‘We’ll all go,’ she said with finality.
Gen nodded.‘I’ll find someone to take my appointments at the shop.’
‘I could do with a break,’ Amy added.She worked as a marketing manager for a law firm and they were pretty relaxed when it came to last-minute annual leave requests.
‘Guys… you don’t have to do this.’
‘It’ll be good for us all,’ Claire said firmly.
My gaze darted to Willa and Kat.Help!
Willa raised a brow.‘I need to be back in London.Horizon needs me.’
Willa was struggling to get new clients at her graphic design agency, Horizon, and Kat mentioned she had had to make her two employees redundant recently.It had destroyed her and Willa was half-killing herself to make the business work.I suspected that her regular trips up to Everly Heath were a form of escapism for her.
Kat chimed in, ‘Busy at the shop.And Abigail and I have plans.’
Traitors.
Claire, Gen, and Amy all turned to me expectantly, as if I was about to hold up my score onStrictly Come Dancing. Spoiler: it was a big, fat zero from me.But they’d gone to so much trouble today.They’d planned a whole day to pull me out of my rut.So I should be grateful, right?Who was to say a hiking trip wouldn’t help?Did I have a better plan?I’d just admitted I had no idea what I was doing.I could hardly claw back those words now.If I wasn’t such a pushover – if I could quiet the ravenous guilt gnawing at my insides – I might be more like Willa or Kat.I’d say, ‘Hell, no!’ I’d tell them camping was my actual nightmare, because it was.I’d remind them I like my workouts in a perfectly air-conditioned room, earbuds in, heart rate monitored, no insects in sight.
But I wasn’t that person.
I was a stupid, cowardly people-pleaser.
I dipped under the surface of the water, smoothing my wet hair back, then faced the girls.
Just smile, Lydia.
‘“Wild Women Walk”, here we come.’
The girls whooped, Amy’s arms coming round to hug me.Claire launched into all the equipment we would need to buy.And I ignored the way my stomach sank like a stone straight to the bottom of the pool for the second time that day.
Chapter Five
Ren
Iwasenjoying a quiet pint at the social club, disassociating as much as mentally possible, when Jack’s smug face appeared in front of me.
‘God, you look shit,’ he grinned, setting his pint down on my table.Internally, I groaned.It wasn’t that I hated Jack.He was a good guy, and I’ve known him decades now.He’d worked for my dad since he was barely out of school, eventually stepping up to run the business after Liam left to open Lily’s with me.These days, he practicallywasthe business – and he was proving trustworthy and reliable.His face was tanned and weather-lined, and he had the kind of crooked grin that spelled trouble.His hair was sun-streaked and always messy, as if he’d just taken off a hard hat.Or more likely rolled out of someone’s bed.
Not many people realised Jack was a few years older than Liam – so he was in his mid-thirties now, though he never acted like it.He was more accident-prone than an apprentice, and spent a lot of time in A&E.But, like Liam, he worked ridiculous hours, drove a knackered Land Rover he refused to part with, and had three older sisters who half the town fancied at one point or another.
But I could do without Jack today – with all of his energy and optimism.
Until now, it had just been me and Peter, the local curmudgeonly grouch, and I’d been pleased with that for once.Peter sat at the table opposite, a scowl on his lined face.He looked how I felt.And, other than Peter’s burning stare, it was uncharacteristically quiet for a Saturday night.Usually, there would be terrible karaoke or a crooning performer in a shiny waistcoat.Maybe a darts competition.But I’d been in luck.It was quiet and I could sulk in peace.
‘Who is this?’ Jack asked as he gestured to the dog lying beside me.Jack’s face morphed into glee.‘Pat got to you, didn’t she?She tried to drop this one off at my house a few weeks ago.’
‘Great,’ I said sarcastically.‘I’m second choice for a dog I didn’t want.’
Peanut’s head lifted, as Jack leaned down to rub her belly.She rolled over, exposing the pale fur of her belly.I’d arrived back at my apartment to find Peanut sitting on my sofa, lightly panting.She had an expectant, eager expression on her face, as if she’d been waiting for me to get home.Pat had used the spare key I kept under my doormat for emergencies, to let herself in, drop off Peanut, her bed, and a month’s worth of food.I’d been furious, determined to call her and give her a piece of my mind, until Peanut cantered over to me, giving my hand a welcoming lick, and that was it.
I was a goner.
Now Peanut was stretched out on the red, patterned carpet of the club, content after our muddy walk and a handful of pork scratchings.
I hated the way it made me feel… useful.Worthy.
