‘Why?’ I croaked.
‘Because we’re not able to come to this restaurant on Tuesdays and Thursdays.Because we have to cross the road when you see him coming.Because you murmur his name in your sleep.’
Blood drained from my face.
‘Casey, you can’t be serious.’
‘You aren’t overhim.’
‘I was never with him.’
The corners of Casey’s mouth pulled down.‘Don’t give me the same line.Something happened.I know it in my gut.And you won’t share, fine.You don’t want me to know.But the air is thick when you’re in the same room.’
‘We’re never in the same room.’
‘Exactly.And you won’t tell me why you’re so obsessed with avoiding him.Even if you’re deluding yourself into thinking you don’t have feelings for him, I’m certain he has them for you.’
‘He doesn’t.’ I closed my eyes, forcing the words out like a prayer.‘Trust me, he doesn’t.’
But, even as I said it, my mind betrayed me and pulled me back to a moment from a year ago, carried on the scent of magnolia and musk.
‘Lydia, wait.Let me explain,’ Ren said, shutting the patio doors behind him.
‘How was your trip?’ my voice detached, ghostly, ‘Those long-haul flights can be a pain.Did you get those mini-bottles of gin, though?I’ve always loved those.’
‘Lydia.Look at me.I’m trying to explain.’
‘You don’t have to explain anything.It’s fine.’
‘It’s not fine.I know none of it’s fine.’ Ren rubbed a palm down his face, then pulled a scrap of paper out of his back pocket.‘I wrote it down, so I could get this right.But the words don’t work now.’
I allowed myself to look at him.He was different.He was tanned, for one thing, with lines on his temples where his sunglasses had sat.He looked a little skinnier, as if he hadn’t eaten properly and had hiked across the Andes or backpacked through crowded cities.
‘Lyd, I’m so sorry.I know I fucked up.’ He stepped forward.I took a step back.He flinched.‘You have to believe that I didn’t mean to hurt you.I know I did, I know.Trust me, I know I fucked up.I know.I didn’t know how to tell you because I suppose I didn’t want your doubt, doubt that I could do it.After the fight with Liam, I was so low.’
I wanted to scream that I would never doubt him, but I held it back.
He took a shaky breath.‘So that night I panicked.Lydia, you have to believe me that that night meant everything to me—’
Just smile, Lydia.
‘You don’t have to explain anything.’ I smiled, keeping my rage at a distance.He didn’t deserve to see my pain and embarrassment.
‘What do you mean?Of course I do.We’re best friends—’
I meant to give a dry laugh, but it was a hysterical giggle.Ren’s face moulded into confusion.
‘We’re fine, Ren.We can just move on.No harm, no foul.’
‘Lyd.I understand you’re angry.I do.I fucked up, massively.’ He exhaled, his brown eyes meeting mine.‘But I came back for you.Not for Liam or the restaurant.I came back for you.When he called about the restaurant, I was already at the airport.I knew it was a mistake when I boarded the flight, but I was so hurt, and I’m sorry—’
I couldn’t listen to this any more.
‘I’m glad you’re back,’ Ren’s eyes softened until I said, ‘Because we can get back to normal.A new normal.’ I nodded to our families inside.‘They don’t know what’s happened.So I’d prefer no one knew, you know?We can just keep things amiable.Cordial.’
‘Cordial?’
I gave a breezy laugh.‘I’m fine, you’re fine.We’re all okay.Okay?’
