I ponder for a second how long I should let Gael entertain himself with this girl. The last one only lasted a month, and I still ended up with Gael’s tears on my shoulder. I really don’t want him to get his hopes up and his heart broken, so I know my voice is a little mean when I say, “Sure, we can have some fun tonight, but please, call me Sin.”
Present Day
Phineas
Awkward. I’m so awkward. Gael isn’t here as a buffer, and in the week since I met Sin, I’ve never been alone with him, which doesn’t help the confusing feelings of desire and rejection I’m battling inside myself, but it does help me to know that Gael is there for everything that happens between me and Sin. I don’t want Gael to ever question my loyalty to him, and he can’t if he’s present for every interaction between me and Sin.
This is why I pretty much ignore Sin through the entire two movies that play on his TV until there’s no way I can stay if I want to get enough sleep to function for work tomorrow. I’ve actually stayed way later than I should just hoping to see Gael. Unfortunately, Gael texts me at midnight to let me know he’s not going to be off for another hour. It’s disappointing, but I have responsibilities, and I’ll see him tomorrow after work.
I leave without saying goodbye because I don’t know how to talk to Sin. He looks at me like I’m a burden sometimes, and I don’t want to be a burden to him. I’m still not sure if Sin and Gael think I’m their third or if Gael thinks Sin’s our third, or if Sin thinks I’m Gael’s temporary diversion. I don’t really understand their relationship. When I’m with them, they focus on me, but Gael is in charge. When it’s just me and Gael, Gael talks about Sin like he’s the only thing important in his life except for me, because he’s fully invested in everything about me too.
I would never say this aloud, but sometimes I think Gael is absolutely obsessed with me. He’s so focused on me, he does things that make me feel seen in ways that I don’t think I have words to describe. He brings me flowers and little gifts of food, which is important to me because food is definitely the way to my heart. Gael loves food, but he’s far more interested in feeding me than the opposite, and that makes my heart soar, because doing things for him is what gives me joy, and he revels in my little acts of kindness. I washed his clothes two nights ago, and he loved it so much I went to work with empty balls and a pleasant soreness in my ass, marked by my mate and buzzing with happiness.
But then there are times when I think he’s just as obsessed with Sin. It’s disconcerting how much he talks about the man and how much he clearly loves Sin. It feels like I’m intruding on their relationship, but I know in my heart that Gael is my fated mate. I shouldn’t feel like an intruder in my own destiny, but they have a well established relationship, and there is palpable love between them.
It makes me awkward with Sin, because I don’t know what to do with him. He doesn’t seem to want me around, but he indulges Gael’s every whim, and that means he does whatever Gael wants him to do, including feeding me the best peanutchicken I’ve ever had and watching movies with me that neither of us care much about. I’m going to have to figure out how to have a relationship with Gael, because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that he’s never going to let me get between him and his favorite person.
Chapter 5
Present Day
Sin
I’ve never had a girlfriend of my own. I’ve always only had Gael’s girlfriends. Since junior high, Gael’s never been single for more than a few months, and we’ve almost always shared his girlfriends. Some girls he didn’t bring to meet me, which meant he didn’t like them much, and some we managed to share for months, but the problem was his girlfriends growing to like me more than they liked him.
I don’t even get how they could do that. Gael is sunshine and light, he’s happiness personified, and I’m… not. I don’t even compare. I only smile when Gael smiles, I laugh when he laughs. On my own, I’m stoic, unaffected. I occasionally feel irritation and annoyance, but rarely do my feelings grow beyond that. In general, I don’t care about anyone other than Gael, so it’s mystifying how his girlfriends could ever develop feelings for me.
That won’t be a problem with Phin. That man ignores my existence if Gael isn’t in the room with us, and even when Gael’s here, Phin rarely talks to me.
I don’t think he hates me, but I can’t say the same. Every long silence, every avoided conversation digs deeper into my psyche and feeds the jealous monster that’s waiting for Gael to finally realize that Phin wants nothing to do with me.
The two of them have been dating for weeks, and it’s become a habit for them to come back to my place after a date for a rendezvous. Gael always insists I participate, but I’ve never had such a bad case of blue balls in my life. I can’t get off when we have sex, because Phin doesn’t want me in there with them, and Gael hasn’t noticed yet. He doesn’t see that Phin doesn’t want me, and he hasn’t noticed how fucking the man is so painful for me, there’s no way I could get off on it. Gael always takes Phin’s ass first, and then it’s my turn, and I always make Phin come faster and harder than Gael does, but that’s perfunctory for me. Maybe for Phin too. I hate it, and I want to stop, but I can’t bring myself to disappoint Gael like that. I’d rather suffer and see him smile than be the cause of his frown.
“Hey,” Phin’s voice rumbles through the room.
Gael will eventually figure out that I’m not as into this as he is, and it’s going to hurt him. I hate that, so I need to figure out how to bow out without causing Gael any kind of hurt. Surely there’s a way to protect his joy?—
“Sin,” Phin says, tapping my shoulder.
I look up to him, looming over me as I’m sitting on the couch with my translations in my lap. “Yes?”
“You—” He stops himself, flushing red, and turning his eyes away from mine.
I wait, watching him with growing impatience. Why am I so annoyed by his perfect fucking face right now? Even when he blushes he’s beautiful, and the unkind thoughts in my head saythat’s his only redeeming quality. It’s not. All of the animosity between us is probably my own fault, but if he wants to say something, I’m not going to pull it out of him. It’s not my job to coddle him.
“Are you ok with me spending the night with Gael?” he finally asks, though who knows if that’s what he actually wanted to say.
“If Gael is happy, then I’m happy,” I respond automatically, and words that have been true for two decades feel like an actual lie on my tongue.
“Are you going to sleep with us?” He nervously scratches at his beard, shoving a hand into his pocket like he’s uncomfortable just being in the same room with me.
Even though this is my place, Gael decided they would stay overnight here tonight. I only have the one king size bed, and even though the three of us have had quite a lot of sex on it, Phin and Gael always leave afterward. Somehow, I doubt the three of us will fit sleeping together.
“I plan to sleep on the couch.” If it’s for Gael’s happiness, I’ll do anything, including kick myself off my own bed.
“You’re sleeping on the couch?” Gael’s voice interrupts my thoughts and the odd stare Phin is giving me.
I look over at Gael who, again, is wearing nothing but a towel and a frown. “Yes,” I reply, hating the frown.
