He's safe.He's inside.He's okay.
But the relief doesn't come.Just more fear.More awareness that keeping him safe means keeping myself safe.And I don't know if I can do that.
Not with Declan circling closer.
* * *
I arrive at the pub early.Too early.Ciara's not even here yet.I let myself in through the back, lock the door behind me, and stand in the dim storage room trying to calm my breathing.
The pub feels different today.Too open.Too exposed.All those windows.The front door that anyone can walk through.
Declan walked through it yesterday.
My hands start shaking again.I press them flat against my thighs, willing them to stop.
You're fine.You're safe.He's not here right now.
But he could be.He could walk in any minute.He could be waiting outside right now, watching.
I move to the bar and start setting up.Wipe down surfaces that don't need wiping.Restock glasses that are already full.I just need something to do with my hands.
Ciara arrives twenty minutes later, all energy and bright morning cheer.She takes one look at me and frowns.
"Christ, Enya.You look wrecked."
"Thanks."
"No, I mean… Are you alright?You're pale as milk."
"Just tired.I didn't sleep well."
"Again?"She sets her bag down and moves closer."That's three nights in a row.What's going on?"
"Nothing.Just life stuff."
"Life stuff."She doesn't believe me.I can see it written all over her face."Does this have anything to do with Tank?"
My stomach clenches at his name."No."
"Because he was here yesterday.Sitting at the bar.Watching you."
"I know."
"And you didn't talk to him."
"There's nothing to talk about."
Ciara studies me, clearly wanting to push further, but something in my expression stops her."Alright.But if you need to talk about Tank or anything else, I'm here, yeah?"
"Yeah.Thanks."
She moves away to finish setting up, and I'm left alone with my spiraling thoughts again.
Tank was here yesterday.Watching.Not approaching, not demanding anything, just...present.
And despite everything, despite the fear and the exhaustion and the crushing weight of Declan's return, part of me felt safer knowing he was there.
Which terrifies me almost as much as Declan does.
