How easy it would be for Declan to follow.To watch.
"Mam?"
I blink.Warren's staring at me, pancake halfway to his mouth."Yeah?"
"Are you okay?You look sad."
Guilt hits hard.I cross to him, crouch beside his chair, smooth his hair back."I'm not sad, love.Just tired.I didn't sleep well."
"Why?"
"Just one of those nights.Nothing for you to worry about."
He studies my face with those too knowing eyes.Five years old and he can already read me better than I'd like."Is it Da?"
My chest tightens."No.No, love.Nothing to do with your da."
The lie tastes bitter.Everything's to do with his da.
"Okay."He goes back to his pancakes, seemingly satisfied, but I can see the worry lingering in his expression.
I hate this.I hate that my fear is bleeding into him.I hate that I can't protect him from it completely.
I hate that Declan's back and threatening everything we've built.
* * *
The walk to school is torture.
Every sound behind us makes me jump.Every man we pass gets a second look.Is that him?Or that one?Tall enough, right build, wrong face, but what if he's following us?What if he's watching from across the street?
Warren holds my hand, oblivious, talking about his teacher, about art class, about the dinosaur book Gran read to him last night.
I nod.Smile.Keep walking.
But my eyes never stop scanning.
There…a car parked at the corner.Black.Four-door.Is that the same car I saw yesterday on this street?I can't remember.Can't be sure.
But it feels familiar.Feels wrong.
My pace quickens.Warren has to skip to keep up.
"Mam, why are we going so fast?"
"Just running a bit late, love.I don't want you to miss the bell."
Another lie.We're not late.I just need to get him inside.Need him behind locked doors with teachers who'll keep him safe.
At the school gates, I crouch down and hold his face between my hands."Be good today, yeah?"
"I'm always good."
"I know you are."I kiss his forehead."Love you so much."
"Love you too, Mam."
He runs off toward his friends, backpack bouncing.I watch until he disappears inside the building, then I stand there for another minute, just watching the doors.
