My throat closes.Stomach drops.I can feel Devin go still behind me.
"No, baby," I say quietly, firmly."Da's not coming back.Ever.You're safe.I'm safe.No one's going to make me cry."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
He relaxes as he lets sleep take him.Within minutes, he's out.
I stand slowly, turn off the light, and close the door most of the way, leaving it cracked like he likes, so a slither of light from the hall can be seen.
In the hallway, I lean against the wall and just breathe.
Devin's there, watching me."You alright?"
"He still has nightmares,” I whisper.“He still asks about Declan.He’s still fearful of him.”
"I know."
"It's not fair.He shouldn't have to live with that."
"No.He shouldn't."Devin moves closer."But he's got you.And you're making sure he grows up differently.Safe.That's what matters."
"What if it's not enough?"
"It is.I promise."
I want to believe him.I want to trust that Warren will be okay.That we'll be okay.
But doubt lives loud in my head.
We settle on the couch.Devin at one end and me curled into his side.My body's exhausted, emotionally wrung out.But there's peace too.The kind I haven't felt in years.
Then I hear it.
Footsteps in the hallway outside.Heavy.Quick.A door slamming somewhere above us.
Normal sounds.Building sounds.Nothing threatening.
But my body doesn't know that.
Panic hits like a freight train.Immediate.Visceral.No warning.
My chest locks.I can't breathe.Can't think.There’s just terror flooding every nerve.
He's here.He's back.He's coming for us.
"Enya."Devin's voice.Calm.Steady."Look at me."
I can't.Can't move.Can't breathe.
"Enya.Eyes on me.Right now."
I force my eyes to his.He's right there.Close.Real.
"That was just a neighbor.Just someone upstairs.Nothing else.You're safe."
I know that.Rationally I know that.But my body won't listen.
