I loop the towel around my neck and hold it by the two ends. “You would what?” Obviously, I know what, but the playful, mischievous side of me that’s been missing for months has finally decided to make an appearance. I want to stay like this for as long as possible. I want to grab hold of this feeling and never let go.
Santino’s eyes narrow in consideration, but then he shakes his head and zips up his bag. “Nope. I can’t. If I stay in here a second longer, we’ll both need another shower.” He swings his bag over his shoulder and heads toward the bedroom door.
He pauses in the doorway to give me another once-over before sighing dramatically. “I’ll meet you out there.”
I jump into action, not wanting to be apart from Santino for longer than I need to be. It only takes me a few minutes to dress and clean up the room, but when I find Santino in the kitchen chatting with Sebastian and Christian, I pull him to me like I haven’t seen him in ages.
Hugging him from behind, I wind my arms around his middle. He tilts his head to the side so it doesn’t bang against my chin and rests his hands on top of mine.
Sebastian regards us with an assessing look, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. “My parents are coming into the city today, otherwise I’d suggest we all go grab lunch or something.”
“That’s cool.” Santino peeks over his shoulder at me. “Anything you want to do, babe?”
There is. But right before I’m about to suggest it, the voice sneaks in.
He doesn’t want to go to the library. God, could you get any more boring?
“Um…” I blink, startled at how suddenly the voice rears its ugly head. It’s been so quiet the past few hours and the darkness has been so distant I almost forgot they were there.
Santino picks up on it immediately. He cocks an eyebrow in question. “Babe?”
“Um…” My brain scrambles, not sure what to do. I know I should just tell him my original idea and if he doesn’t like it, we’ll do something else. But the darkness has taken control over my tongue and it won’t let me say it out loud.
Santino will think it’s a stupid idea. He’s not into reading the way I am. What would we even do there? He follows me around while I wander the stacks? It’s not like I’ve even been reading these days. I probably have a ton of late fees from all the books I haven’t returned.
But then, Santino’s been picking up the books lying around the apartment. Sometimes he reads to me. Sometimes he flips through the pages and asks me what the book is about. I don’thaveto borrow any new books, right? I can just show him my favorite spot in the library. I can tell him why I like the place so much. And I haven’t been there in so long… I miss it.
Santino waits patiently as I silently battle with myself. He doesn’t prompt me or make his own suggestion. He lets me figure it out on my own.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Sebastian and Christian sharing a knowing look. Then Sebastian crosses the kitchen and fits himself into Christian’s side. With his head on Christian’s shoulder, they both watch us with amused smiles on their faces.
No one rushes me. No one looks annoyed or restless. They’re all just giving me the time and space I need. Gratitude fills me, lodging in my throat as I try to swallow around it. My friends care about me. They really do care about me.
I’ve spent so long trying not to be a burden to them, trying to protect them from myself. But they never asked me to do that.They never asked me to leave them alone. Just the opposite, in fact. I knew they were worried about me. They tried to ask me what was wrong so they could help me. And I didn’t let them. I didn’t let them be the friends they’ve always wanted to be.
The reminder gives me the courage to untie my tongue.
“Um, how about the library?”
Santino’s eyes light up like I’ve offered to take him to Cancun. “You want to go to the library?”
I wince at how nerdy and pathetic that sounds. “Yeah? We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I mean, I’m okay doing something else instead.”
Santino stops me with a kiss. “The library sounds hella cool.”
I don’t think he actually thinks that, but there’s something shining in his eyes that stops me short. It looks like love. I’m almost too afraid to believe it… but what if it’s true? What if Santino loves me?
CHAPTER
THIRTY-SIX
SANTINO
We stop by a chicken and rice stand on our way to the library because I haven’t really eaten anything in the past couple days—the joys of being a bottom, heh.
In the park next to the library, we find a bench and scarf down our lunch. The chicken is tender and the rice has more flavor than I thought rice could have. The white sauce is creamy and smooth and the hot sauce gives just the right amount of kick.
“Holy shit, this is good,” I say around mouthfuls of food.
