Someone with a list of conquests as long as the River Liffey, every one the same, every one ending the same way.
Someone who wouldn’t know what to do with a doctor — too serious, too responsible, too boring.
Too wrong.
Chapter7
Jamie
“How are you doing today?”Ryan approaches me during the warm-up.
“What do you mean?”
“Didn’t you have stomach problems?”
“Why is everyone so worried about my stomach problems?”
“Who is everyone?”
I pick up my pace, but Ryan keeps following me.
“God, Ryan, what do you want?”
“Am I making you nervous?”
“Actually, yes.”
“And why is that?”
“I need to focus on the game; you’re distracting me.”I pause, put my hands on my knees, and breathe deeply.
“You don’t look good.”
“Mind your own fucking business.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re acting weird.You’re not the usual Jamie.You didn’t even fuck with me.Is there something you want to talk about?”
“No.”
Ryan sighs in frustration as our teammates gather before the whistle.We talk about our strategy, the key players, and how important this match is.And I want to be fully present, both mentally and physically.But I feel lost, and nothing feels right.I’m exhausted, and every muscle in my body hurts.I’m about to snap and tell everyone to fuck off: the team, the coach, the fans.I’m tired of being the Captain.
For once in my life, I want to be someone else.
Someone that probably nobody would want.
Someone that no one could ever love.
I’m tooslow out here.I stumble and fall behind, unable to sprint, to run, or even to hold onto the ball.I didn’t score a single try.And today, Ian isn’t here — he’s still on his honeymoon with my sister.
I feel the pressure.Everyone is watching, ready to judge me.I see all of them, but not the one person I wish were here.
“Jamie,” Scott calls as he strolls over.“Coach wants a word.”
I turn towards the bench.Coach is yelling my name.I jog over and stop in front of him.
