“He doesn’t want me.The Captain doesn’t know what to do with my love.And I don’t want anyone but him.”
Chris pulls me close and wraps her arms around me.
“I was right there in front of him.I told him,” I say, catching my breath.“I told him I was in love with him.”
“And he…?”
“He told me, straight out, it was just sex.”
“Maybe he was taken by surprise…”
“He knew exactly what he was doing and he knew how I felt.He didn’t want me in his life.So I let go, quietly, and without making a scene.Loving someone also means knowing when to let go.”
“And you did it.”
“I did, Chris, and now I just feel like I want to disappear.”
Chris hugs me tighter, and I curl up on her lap and cry.I can’t hold it in anymore.
What’s the point of dignity, control, or toughness?What’s the point of my life if I can’t share it with him?
What good am I now if I can’t behisDoctor?
I lost the match, my Captain, the love of my life.I don’t know what I’ll do when morning comes, and I have to face my first real day without him.
When I wake up,my head spinning, I hear a voice from the kitchen.
“My fucking sofa is taken,” Ryan calls out.
“Oh, really?What a great pair of arseholes!”
“No, he didn’t say anything.”
“What the fuck am I supposed to do, hit him until he tells the truth?”
Ryan sighs.“Oh God, fine!I knew we’d end up in this fucking mess.The thing is, I don’t even want to hit him.He looks like a lost puppy on the side of the road.”
“All right, I’ll give it a shot.Just let me know.”
He ends the call, then turns to me and notices that I’m awake and listening.
“What’s going on?”Chris asks, now fully awake too.
“A fucking mess, just like I said,” Ryan snorts, planting his hands on his hips.
“Apparently, both sofas are taken.”
Chapter73
Jamie
Ihead back downstairs after hanging out with my niece, drawn by the voices coming from the living room.
“What are you doing here?”I hear Ian say.
“I came to see if I could be useful.”
“And how the hell… Don’t tell me.”
