“You shut up, you took a big risk,” Evan says, then looks at me.“Want me to go hit him?Just say the word.”
“Hey, kid, take it easy,” Ryan says to him.
“No, Evan, there’s no one to beat up.Things happen for a reason.You just have to accept it,” I say.
“And you?Do you accept it?”
I shrug.“I have to.”
“So what the fuck am I supposed to do now?”Evan snaps.
“You can stay here with me.We could watch a movie, if you want.”
“Sure, what movie?”
“A horror movie.One of your favourites.”
“I knew it.Fuck it,” Ryan calls from the kitchen.
“All right, then.Movie night it is,” Evan says, settling onto the sofa.
“You mean morning,” Ryan adds as he comes in with Chris.“Move over, Doctor.It’s still my sofa, even if you’re taking it over now.”
I shift to make room for everyone.The ache in my chest eases a little as I let myself be cared for by this family that isn’t really mine, yet has taken me in as an honorary member, softening some of the hurt in my heart.
Chris breaksthe silence halfway through the movie.“They’re out cold,” she says, then stands and crosses the room to perch on the armrest beside me.
“Like a couple of kids.Don’t ask me to carry them upstairs — I’ll probably break my arm.”
“You don’t have to do that with me, Martin.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend nothing happened.Crack jokes when you don’t feel like it.”
“I don’t know what else to do.I’m scared that if I let this out, I won’t be able to put it back.”
“Maybe it’s better to let it out.It might actually help.”
“I’m not sure.”
“What happened?”
I let out a sigh.“He doesn’t love me.”
She sighs, too.
“But Chris, I love him.God, I love him so much.For a moment, I thought he felt the same way.”
“Maybe it’s not what it seems.”
“I wanted to believe that, but I don’t want to be the fool who listens to his heart and ignores the signs anymore.”
“Maybe something else is holding him back.Maybe he just needs time.”
“He won’t open up or talk.He won’t let me love him.”
“Oh, Martin.”
