Riley looks at Ian, waiting for a nod.He smiles at her, then shrugs.
“We only just found out,” she says.“We wanted to wait for a better time.”
“Oh my God!”Karen is the first to lose it.
“How the fuck did you know?”Ryan asks Evan.
“I pay attention,” Evan says.“It’s not the first time she’s refused a drink, and in this family, God knows we all need one.”
Ryan slaps him affectionately on the back of the head.Around us, voices rise in excited shouts as everyone crowds in around Riley and Ian, who suddenly find themselves at the centre of attention.
I look away from the scene — a knot of happiness and pain tightening in my chest — and turn my gaze to the right.
His eyes.The confirmation.
I meet the Doctor’s gaze, and he holds mine.
He observed.He understood.
He found.
He found me, despite my stupid hiding place.He uncovered my fears, my anguish, my pain.
My guilt.
He found everything, even though it lay scattered in pieces across my memories.With those steady, almost magical hands, it won’t take him long to fit it all back together.
Chapter65
Martin
Why are you reacting like this?Right now, you look as if you might fall apart here, like everything inside you could shatter in front of me.Why can’t you just be happy for someone else’s happiness?What’s going on with you, Captain?Why won’t you let me in?You keep putting up walls between us, making me think you’re just another arsehole.But now, your eyes are asking me for help, anything that might ease your pain.You’re silently begging me, over and over again.
Let me help.I can’t work miracles, but I can listen and understand.I know I can love.Maybe I didn’t realise it until you looked at me, or took my hand, or smiled at me the way only you do.Or until you kissed me, or we slept together.But now I know.When you walked past me, I recognised you.I understood.Now I just need you to understand it too.
I move slowly, my pulse racing, taking advantage of the fact that everyone’s focused on Ian and Riley.I approach Jamie, who is gasping for breath by the living room door.
“Are you okay?”I ask, searching his gaze.
“No.”
He told the truth.That’s one step, Doctor.Now it’s up to you to keep going.
“Do you want me to drive you home?”
“No.”
Now I have to make a move.I just hope it’s the right one.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?”
He lifts his head, finally meeting my eyes.A storm of emotion flickers there; words are unnecessary.His expression alone lays his heart bare.
“This is not just casual.I never thought that for a moment,” he says, a little breathless.
“Okay.”
“I don’t know why I said that.”
