Jordan
The next day, I message Iris to tell her that I’m not feeling well and that I can’t meet her for lunch. I tell her I’d rather stay in bed and rest; but around midday, she turns up at my door with a paper bag full of food.
“This isn’t the flu, honey.”
I smile sadly at her.
“Luckily, old Iris is here to take care of you.”
“Please tell me there’s chocolate in that bag.”
She pulls out two bottles of wine.
“That’ll work, too.”
* * *
I didn’t have muchof an appetite, but Iris insisted on making me a bacon, lettuce and cheese sandwich; wine on an empty stomach is probably not the best idea.
“What hurt you the most, darling?” she asks, after I’ve finished telling her about everything that happened in the restaurant, and everything that Steven had said. “The fact that he’s happy now, or the fact that you’re not?”
“The fact that, because of him, Ican’tbe happy anymore,” I say, thinking of me and Niall, and everything I said to him; the way I hurt him.
“I can’t understand why.”
“Really?” I ask, almost angry.
“He isn’t the one who gets to decide your future, honey.”
“He ruined my life.”
“He hurt you and disappointed you.”
“And that doesn’t count?”
“He’s your past, Jordan. You can’t let him determine your future, too. You’re giving him too much space in your life.”
I finish my wine then lean back against the headboard. Caramel pads immediately over, curling up in my lap. I stroke her slowly as she gazes lovingly up at me.
“I wanted it.”
“Wanted what?”
“A family with him. I wanted so many things, Iris. I wanted a house outside the city. I wanted to do the gardening at the weekend, to bake cookies,” I say bitterly, as Iris squeezes my arm affectionately. “I wanted children. I wanted a forever.” I look at her; tears are choking me. “I wanted everything I never had.”
“I’m so sorry, darling.”
“He didn’t want the same things – and now I understand why.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It wasmethat he didn’t want.”
Iris sighs, her eyes deepening.
“It was all just a load of bullshit. The only thing preventing him from being happy was me. I wasn’t the woman he wanted,” I conclude sadly.
“You two weren’t meant to be together.”
