She turns and leans her back against the door.
“What is it? Tell me. I have a right to know.”
She doesn’t look at me. Her eyes are glued to our feet.
“He…” She bites her lip, trying not to cry. “Him…and her…” The first tear trickles slowly into the corner of her mouth. “He never wanted kids. He didn’t want us to be a family,” she says, her voice trembling. “I wanted to build something with him. I wanted children, a family of my own. Something I never had.”
I listen to her, my heart suspended, paralysed, in my ribcage.
“I wanted to be happy.”
I don’t even know if I’m still breathing.
“She’s pregnant. They’re getting married in two months’ time.”
She finally looks at me; and I wish she never had.
“It was me he didn’t want.”
“When did you find out?”
She doesn’t answer. She can’t hold back her tears any longer.
“When, Jordan?” My voice is raising beyond my control. I slam my hand against the wooden door, making her jump.
“T-tonight.”
“So that’s why you came here?”
“I just wanted to forget about everything.”
“You used me.” I pull away from her and take a few steps back.
“I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want to—”
“What didn’t you want?”
“I didn’t want things to go this way.”
“So that’s all I am to you? Someone to pass the time with?”
“Niall…”
“Someone you can’t be seen with? Someone you’re ashamed of?”
Her guilty expression is an answer in itself.
“What am I to you, Jordan?”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t what?”
“I’ve already had my heart broken before.”
I stand there, frozen, as I receive my sentence.
“I have nothing left to give you.”
