I shake my head, trying to clear my mind and cool down the heat rising between my thighs. This always happens when Nick’s involved.
“He’s even worse,” I say to Martin.
“That’s a problem.”
“A problem that you helped create.”
“I just wanted to give you a little push.”
“Off the edge of a cliff?”
“To make you realise that, whatever it is you’re doing with the surgeon, has nothing to do with love.”
“Are you trying to sort my life out for me?”
“No, Casey. Hopefully you’ll do that by yourself. I’m just trying to help out a friend.”
“You’re no help if you start playing for the opposition.”
“I’m not playing for anyone. Do you think I like Nick O’Connor? Well, of course there’s his…”
“Martin!”
“Sorry. It’s just really hard not to think about his photos. Have you seen the ones where he’s just got a rugby ball covering his–”
“Please, I don’t want to think about it. Those bloody photos are everywhere!”
Especially in my head.
“And they’re another problem.”
“Everything’s a problem when he’s involved! Don’t you get it?” I jump to my feet, exasperated.
“You’re the one who’s refusing to get it.”
I turn towards him as he gets to his feet.
“Maybe Nick has just realised what he lost, and is trying to make up for it. And you’re getting in the way of every opportunity. You’re getting in the way of yourself.”
“And what if I actually believed him? If I trusted him, and then he just up and left at the first chance he got?”
Martin smiles at me kindly. “Maybe you have to take that risk.”
“This is a dangerous game, Martin. I could lose. My heart could be put on the line again.”
“Honey, you already put it on the line. Years ago. Now it’s up to you whether you want to risk everything, or whether you want to quit while you can. You could go back to your life, your surgeon. You could put this whole Nick O’Connor thing to bed forever. But he’ll leave a huge hole in your world: because I don’t think that the past eight years have been nearly enough to fill it.”
Not even a deep, black hole would be enough: Nick will always find a way to seep into the cracks of my life.
He’ll always find a way to break my heart.
30
Nick
I’m on great form today: I’m energetic, I’m happy. I’m ready for anything – even those little kids, who – in all honesty – are starting to grow on me.
“Hey, coach?”
