“I’m serious.”
“You’re doing all this by yourself.”
I take a deep breath, trying to quell the anger and frustration bursting at the seams; but it has to come out soon, or I’ll explode.
“He’s…he’s…a huge, arrogant dickhead! He thinks he can get anything he wants, that he can just take it at any moment, without thinking of the consequences, without any…respect!”
Martin nods.
“He’s playing around with me. With my life!”
“Didn’t you like playing, too?”
Maybe I should just hit him, square in the face.
“Ah, I get it. You’re not the one making the rules.”
I slump down next to him. “And now he knows. He’s worked it out.”
“What?”
“He’s realised that I’ve been sitting around waiting for him.”
Martin takes my hand. “And you’ve finally realised it, too.”
“I can’t be near him. I can’t let him have this control over me, get into my head and mess up all my thoughts… When I’m with him, I…”
“You go back to the Casey you used to be.”
“Exactly.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“It’s bad to keep kidding myself. He’s not cut out for the lifestyle I want.”
“How do you know that?”
“Come on: it’s Nick we’re talking about, here! He’s the guy who went to all that effort just to…to do what? To confuse me? Try to get me into bed? You can tell it’s just a game for him. A challenge that he doesn’t want to lose.”
“Maybe the only thing Nick doesn’t want to lose is you.”
Why does he have to say these things? Why does he have to feed my imagination? Why are we still sitting here, talking abouthim? Why are we even friends?
I sigh sadly. “I’ve gone back to square one. It’s as if I never even moved on. As if he never left me behind.”
“As if you never stopped loving him?”
Jesus, Martin.You always ask the wrong questions.
“What about him?”
“Mmm?”
“Is he still the same?”
And that’s the problem. Nick O’Connor hasn’t changed at all. Sure, he has an unkempt beard now: but that just makes him even more sexy. Those lines around his eyes just make him more charming. And the way he kisses…God. I’d be happy if those lips were the last thing I ever tasted.
And the rest? What’s the rest of him like?
