Nick
Iget back into my apartment after my evening run. I pull out my earphones and strip my sweaty clothes off, chucking them onto the bathroom floor. I step into the shower and run the water, lowering my head to let the warm water relax the knotted muscles in my neck. I stay like that for a while, leaning my forehead against the tiles and closing my eyes, waiting for the pain to pass – or at least for it to dull, to let me breathe again. I’m starting to believe that this type of pain never leaves you; that there’s no cure.
This time, there won’t be a second chance for me. There won’t be any more miracles.
I told her everything. I emptied out Nick O’Connor, hoping that she could help me gather up the pieces of what was left. But it looks like I’ll have to take care of it myself; or maybe I could just leave everything where it is, laying there. Empty. Useless. Nothing is worth putting myself back together for.
A sudden rush of cold air from behind me makes me turn suddenly; I see her, standing in front of me, in my shower. Fully-dressed. I’m almost scared I’ve lost my mind, because I can’t believe that she’s really here.
“You!” she cries, pointing her finger at me. “You bastard! You selfish, arrogant bastard!”
“What the hell…?”
“How could you?”
“Casey…”
“How could you do something like that?”
“What are you talking about? What the fuck are you doing in my shower? And how the hell did you get into my house?”
“Ryan told me the code for downstairs, and gave me a key.”
“Why the fuck did he give you a key to my house?”
“He told me to surprise you. He said it works.”
Little fucker.
“Has it worked?” she asks me, biting at her lip.
If I start to cry now, she won’t notice. Right?
“What…? What are you doing here…fully-dressed, in my shower, and…?”
“I needed to speak to you and I couldn’t wait any more.”
“You couldn’t have waited for me to get out the shower before you starting calling me a bastard?”
“Well, you deserved it. You can’t just do that. You can’t just turn up at my apartment unannounced, tell me all those things, and then disappear.”
“It was already pretty hard telling you everything. I couldn’t have handled it if you…”
“You left. You didn’t even give me a chance to let what you were saying sink in, to understand… And I’m fucking furious!” She slams her fists against my chest. “You should’ve told me everything in the beginning and let me choose, Nick. You should’ve trusted me. You can’t do it, okay? You can’t run away every time something seems difficult. You can’t always choose the easy way out. You can’t do that to me.”
“I don’t know what to do with you, Casey! I have no idea what the fuck to do!”
“Love me,” she says, stepping closer. Her wet T-shirt sticks itself to my body. “Just love me.”
She lifts her gaze. Her eyes are clearer than ever, light pouring out of them, unobscured by anything I’ve said. There’s no anger, no pain.
There’s hope. There’s love. There’s future.
There’s us.
“Choose what we have. Choose everything we could have together, all the things we could do. Choose to go for a swim in the middle of the night, to have sex in the car. Choose my stupid T-shirts and rugby matches in the parl. Choose dinners on the terrace and Sundays at your parents’ house. Choose to laugh with me, to cry with me, to…live. Choose us, Nick. Choose to stay.”
“Jesus, Casey. Why do you have to be so fucking perfect? Why do you have to be so strong when I’m so weak? Why do you have to love me like this?” I ask, desperately.
