I take a few steps inside, as he stands there, frozen, in the doorway. I turn to face him, and the flames inside him leap into his eyes. He closes the door suddenly and stands in front of me; his arms are tense by his sides, his hands balled into fists. His breath is almost suffocating him as he tries to project those flames into me.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice trembling. “I’m sorry for your dad, your family…for you.”
Nick doesn’t respond. He just keeps looking me in the eye, trying to hold himself together – but I know that there’s no use in fighting against everything that’s weighing him down. Just like there’s no use in fighting against what I feel for him.
He takes a step towards me and reaches a hand out to my face; he strokes my cheek slowly, as if he can’t believe I’m really standing there, in front of him.
“You didn’t have to come here… God, Casey. You shouldn’t even be letting me touch you.”
I shake my head, confused.
His hand slides behind my neck and pulls me into him. His mouth is on mine suddenly, before I can take that breath I so desperately needed. He keeps me there, pressed against him, as his lips move urgently with mine, seeking out what he needs.
Seeking outme.
I slide my hands over his face, keeping him close, showing him that I’m here: in his house, in his life. In him. Anywhere he wants me.
We pull apart, taking deep breaths; Nick holds me there in his arms, pressing his forehead against mine.
“You should go,” his mouth says, his heart beating wildly with mine, begging me not to leave.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him, determined.
“You don’t get it. I can’t.”
“Can’t do what?”
“Can’t fight loving you.”
“Then don’t fight it.”
“I need to,” he says, his face still pressed against mine. His lips gently kiss the corner of my mouth. “I needyou,” he sighs, kissing me over and over. “I couldn’t bear it if you left me.”
I catch his lips between mine, weaving my hands into his hair and pressing myself close to him. Now I can feel his desperation inside me, his suffering and his sadness taking over my body. His hands are running over me; when they get to my hips, a sigh escapes my mouth as I lift myself up and wrap my legs around his waist.
“God, Casey…” he murmurs, biting me.
He takes a few steps back and pushes my back against the wall. His lips dip down to my neck, before planting themselves onto my breasts. I slowly untangle my legs, dropping my feet to the floor, as his hands start to slide under my top. As soon as his hands brush against me, I realise how much I missed his touch. He pushes his body into me, proving just how much he wants me; his hands slip to the button of my jeans, quickly undoing them and sliding his hand inside, onto the dampness between my legs.
“Oh, fuck,” he growls through gritted teeth. “Fuck, Casey!”
His fingers move over my labia, as his breathing slows into deep, moaning sighs.
I battle the button of his jeans, trying to speed the process along – but when I manage to get them undone, his hand stops me.
He looks at me for a moment, before lifting me up again and carrying me towards his bedroom. He lets me go, and I go back to what I was doing; I help him out of his jeans, then pull his shirt over his head. He does the same with mine, letting it fall to the floor. His hands get rid of anything else I’m wearing.
It’s us. Again.
Standing there, facing each other. Completely naked. We have no clothes, no guard. We have nothing apart from the night, weighing down on us. Nothing apart from the end.
Nick strokes my face with his hand. He steps closer to me and speaks into my mouth.
“Lie to me, Casey. Just once. Just tonight.”
“Nick…”
“I need you to lie to me,” he says, panting. “Tell me a lie, but make it sound real. I need to believe it for the rest of my life.”
