“You’re so in love with her,” Casey says, watching us.
“It was love at first sight. For both of us, obviously.”
“You look beautiful together,” Casey comments, her gaze full of kindness.
I glance at her, watching her dreams start to take shape in front of her eyes, as mine paint the most painful, heart-breaking picture I could ever imagine.
“You have such a wonderful family, Nick. You should be really proud.”
“I am.”
“One day, I’d love to have a family like this.”
I know that she didn’t mean anything by it, that the words came straight from her heart: from an innate desire within her. I know that she didn’t say it because she was expecting anything from me.
But I can’t bear the weight of her words.
They’re so painful. So real, alive. It’s an all-consuming pain, that runs you down, rips you apart, one piece at a time.
It’s an unbearable pain. A pain with no cure.
A pain I’ve brought upon myself.
A pain that she doesn’t deserve, and one that I have no right to inflict on her.
* * *
Once we’ve saidgoodbye to my family and climbed into the car, Casey immediately turns on the radio, kicks off her shoes and rests her feet up on the dashboard, humming along to the song floating out through the speakers.
I drive wordlessly, without even breathing, knowing that we’re both heading for the end; for us, that’s the only outcome.
I drive, heading for her house. When she realises where we’re going, she pulls her feet down and turns to look at me.
“I’m tired,” I say. “And you have work tomorrow, right?”
She doesn’t respond. She just stares at me.
“It’s not like we have to spend every night together.”
She stays silent, but I can hear her breathing deepen. Casey’s too smart. She’s not going to let my lies slide.
“What’s really going on, Nick?”
There’s already understanding in her voice.
“Don’t start turning this into one of those arguments that you women love so much, okay? I’m just dropping you home. Then I can go back to mine.”
There we go. I’m back.
Nick, the arsehole.
“You’re doing it again, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re leaving me behind.”
Forgive me, Casey. Please, forgive me.
