“What do you want Ryan? Now’s not the time. We’re trying to celebrate with your son.”
Ryan doesn’t flinch. He looks at me with those deep, sincere eyes of his. The same eyes he had as a boy – a boy with a huge heart, which found a place even for me: the brother that betrayed him.
“You don’t have to do it, okay? Not anymore. Please, it doesn’t help that you—”
“What, Nick?”
“You shouldn’t be the one worrying about me. I’m the older brother!”
Ryan smiles at me. “I’m worried about my brother, Nick. It’s natural.”
“I…I don’t…”
“What?”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Nick…”
“I don’t deserve a single fucking thing. I don’t deserve you, or Ian, or this family, or…her.”
“Jesus, Nick. Why the fuck do you have to do that? Just enjoy the good things in your life. Accept them. Just do it for yourself.”
I shake my head, avoiding his gaze.
“You have to accept yourself, Nick, okay? Once you start to accept yourself, she will, too.”
I turn to look at the dining table, where she’s happily sitting in the middle of my family; I wonder if that’ll be enough for her. Whether she could wake up one day and realise that this could be the biggest mistake of her life.
57
Casey
“So, have you had enough of the O’Connors yet?” Nick asks me, leaning against his car.
“I really enjoyed it.”
“I’m glad.”
He leans down towards me, brushing his nose against mine.
“Tired?”
“A little.”
“Do you want me to help you relax?”
I look at him, curious. “I don’t think that what you have in mind will help me relax.”
“How do you know what I have in mind?”
“Please, Nick. We both know exactly what’s going through your mind right now.”
“Okay, so it’s more or less the same thing I’m always thinking about. But I could always surprise you.”
“Oh, really…?”
He doesn’t say anything else; his eyes speak for him.
