“Fuck your plan and your footnote.”
“What plan?” Martin asks, appearing from thin air.
“How to get a woman in five easy steps: the complete edition for total dickheads,” Evan calls from behind us.
Martin bursts out laughing, grabbing everyone’s attention as they materialise suddenly in the living room.
“What are you talking about?” Casey asks, curious.
“Just about a plan we put together for Nick,” Evan says out of nowhere.
Wow, Ryan. Great work with this kid. You deserve a medal.
“It’s nothing,” I say, trying to end the conversation.
“He asked Ryan and Ian to help him win you over,” Evan goes on casually, pushing me face-first into a huge pile of shit.
“It must’ve been quite an elaborate plan,” Martin comments. “Which stage did I help you with?”
“The first one,” Evan speaks again. “Getting rid of the handsome surgeon.”
Chris explodes into shameless laughter.
“Handsome surgeon, Nick?” Casey asks, one eyebrow raised.
I shrug. What am I supposed to say? I’ve already made an idiot of myself – anything I do will make it worse anyway. At least everyone’s getting a good laugh out of it.
“What were the other stages?” she asks, curious now.
“Get rid of Dr Dickhead – that’s you, Dad – was the second.”
Martin’s glare shoots right over to Ryan, who’s trying to avoid his gaze.
“But, obviously, thanks to me, we skipped that one so that you could help us out.”
“Wow, congrats, Ryan. Great plan,” Chris comments flatly.
“It was just for a laugh…”
Evan touches his shoulder, telling him to just drop it.
“Please, go on,” Martin says, perching on the arm of the sofa.
“Step three: convince her you’re not a dickhead.”
This time, everyone laughs.
“I’m guessing you wrote out this plan, hon?” Chris asks, turning to Ryan who’s pretending to be modest.
“Come on, what’s the rest? I’m intrigued.” Martin’s getting a little too used to spending time with this family.
“No, there’s no need to keep going,” I say, standing up. “Is dinner ready yet? Ryan, aren’t you hungry?” I ask, hoping that he’ll take the hint for once in his life.
He looks at me seriously, before shaking his head in disapproval and saving my arse. “I’m starving. And you all know what’ll happen if I don’t eat soon.”
Everyone leaves me alone then, including Casey who, luckily, has taken this all as a good thing. Everyone heads into the dining room and, for the first time ever, I realise that the table has been cleared for its original purpose: eating.
As the others noisily, clumsily take their seats, Ryan grabs my arm.
