“Wow, thanks, Mum!”
“Come here, both of you,” Chris says, pulling the two men in her life into her embrace. They both wrap their arms around her tightly, practically squishing her between them. Being stuck between two guys as huge as them should be terrifying – but instead, you can see the trust, the tenderness.
“We went out early this morning to wait for them to post the results. Evan was really nervous,” Ryan explains.
“You could’ve told me! I’d have come with you.”
“I didn’t want to see the disappointment in your eyes if I didn’t get in. So Ryan offered to go with me, just in case it didn’t go—”
“Oh, honey. You could never, ever disappoint me. You hear me? Never. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. So never think that, okay?”
Tears start to well in Chris’ eyes, and Ryan shakes his head. Evan, overwhelmed by all his mother’s affection, is suddenly bombarded by Ian, and then Riley, who both get up to throw themselves at him.
When everyone finally calms down, Evan sits at the table, trying to regulate his breathing. Nick reaches out and squeezes Evan’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you, kid.”
He shakes his head, embarrassed, then says: “Thanks, Nick. You were the one who gave me that extra push to really go for it.”
It takes all of my strength not to burst into tears at the sight of this; at their words, the love between them all, the trust and the pride.
I feel the tears start to prick at my eyes, realising that, one day, I want to be part of all this, too.
56
Nick
Ryan opens the front door and nods at us to go inside. After all the excitement this morning, they invited everyone round for dinner, so that we could celebrate Evan’s results together.
“Everyone’s already here,” he tells us, leading us into the living room.
“Hey, Casey!” Martin says, greeting her warmly from the kitchen.
“Oh yeah, he’s here too,” Ryan comments. “I didn’t invite him – but he’s cooking, so I’ll let him live through tonight.”
Martin approaches us and hugs Casey, before sticking his hand out towards me, which I accept. Usually, I’d have squeezed it so hard I’d have broken the bones in his fingers – I’m not a fan of doctors, and he’s possibly the worst of them all – but it doesn’t seem appropriate tonight. Sending someone to hospital could spoil the festivities. So I shake it brusquely and walk past him.
Casey follows him into the kitchen, where Chris is arranging something on a tray; I join Riley and my brothers, who are already drinking in the living room.
Ryan hands me a beer and sits down next to Evan, who’s talking about which modules he’s going to take, his classes, and all that academic stuff that gives me a headache just thinking of it.
“I see you’re well-prepared,” Riley comments.
“He’s spent every evening in front of the computer for weeks,” Ryan says.
“Well it worked!” Riley continues. “I know you’ll do amazing things, Evan. In sport and in anything else you want to do. And you, Ryan, are a wonderful dad.”
Evan smiles proudly, basking in the compliments showering him from every angle, as Ryan sits there, pretending it’s no big deal. But I know full well that he’s pretty close to locking himself in the bathroom and sobbing; and I think that I’ll join him. As happy as I am for everyone, I feel suffocated, as if something else is pushing against my chest, trying to get out. I’m starting to get tired of keeping it down.
I turn my head a little towards the kitchen, to see what Casey’s up to. She’s as easy and content as always, even in someone else’s house, dropped unexpectedly into the middle of all this madness with a beer in her hand. She’s sitting on Chris’ countertop as if it were her own, laughing and chatting, enjoying the evening; being here with me, with everyone. She’s finally part of something I took away from her all those years ago. She’s taking back what’s hers, in front of my eyes, while I stand there, incapable of slowing it down, of considering what we’re doing; of making a quick decision before it’s too late for us.
“Nick.” Ian sits down next to me.
I turn to him.
“It’s her,” he says, smiling. “You always knew it, just like we always knew it, too. Relax, okay? Just be yourself.”
I nod, giving him a small smile.
“And try not to fuck anything up. From what it looks like, we’ve skipped all the other stages of our plan and rocketed right to the end. The only thing left is the footnote.”
