“We have to be prepared,” I say, less certain than I’d like.
“Are you?”
“Fuck, no. I could never be prepared.”
Ian lifts his gaze to meet mine. “We’re losing him, aren’t we?”
I nod, incapable of speaking.
“But things seemed to be getting better. The past few months he’s been more present, more—”
“We know how it works,” I interrupt him. “We know what’s going to happen.”
“I can’t accept it.”
Ian lowers his gaze to the floor. I know what all of this means for him, I know how much he’s suffering. Not that Ryan and I are suffering any less, but Ian has always seen our dad as his saviour, the man who picked him up from the street and adopted him. He not only gave him a surname, but a life worth living. And it’s something that not everyone would do. Something that only a truly great man is capable of doing: and our dad was that man.
“Let’s worry about one thing at a time, okay? For now, our priority is convincing him to do the physio. He honestly can’t walk anymore. Chris says she’s going to ask Martin for a recommendation.”
“I imagine Ryan was thrilled by that.”
I laugh, despite everything.
We lose ourselves for a few minutes in the silence, absorbing the shock. I decide to change the subject.
“So, bro. How does it feel to have your own family?”
Ian looks at me and smiles. “Fucking amazing, Nick. Better than I ever imagined.”
“I’m happy for you.”
Ian grabs the bottle from my hands and takes a few sips.
“When are you next off?” he asks me, as if my bullshit job could ever compare with his new life.
“They’ve called me out for a job next week. Tenerife.”
“Wow,” he says, unenthusiastically.
“Yeah…”
“What’s up?”
“I was thinking of quitting.”
He looks at me, his brow furrowed.
“What if I told you I was starting to get fed up of that lifestyle?” I ask him, hesitant.
He smiles. “I’d say that’s possible.”
“I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s fun. But now…”
“Now you’re starting to get bored, just like with everything else you’ve started then abandoned?”
“That’s not what’s happening here.”
Ian looks at me intently. “Is it for the family?”
