She whispered what she said but I feel like she just screamed it in my ear. And it makes a terrible noise.
She’s just looking for a lay. Someone to sleep with her and take away all her pain. But I want to love her and give her everything.
Disappointment devours me, piece by piece, and I let it, as I grab her by the waist and push her away from me. I put a hand between our bodies and gently touch her clit with my fingers.
Riley squeezes her legs together, but I don’t stop.
I slide a finger inside her and as I start to move it, she slowly relaxes. I add another finger and Riley moans right in my ear, falling against my shoulder and squeezing my arm tightly.
I move my fingers in deeper and rest my thumb on her clit. Her breath on my ear, her warmth all around me, and the desire to feel her again explode in my body without control.
With the other hand, I accompany her movements, pulling her towards me and holding her hip so my fingers slide in and out of her as she moves against my hand. When her breathing gets heavier, I realise she’s about to come at any moment, and my dick is about to explode, quite literally.
“Not like this Riley,” I tell her pulling out my fingers. “You have to feel it. How much I want it.”
I grab her hips and forcefully sit her on top of me.
Her yell blocks the air in my throat, choked by the fear of once again having acted too impulsively. But then she bites my shoulder and the pain I felt recedes into me mixing with my anger.
I squeeze her tighter and move with her hips so that she takes it, deep and painful, and lets herself be filled with my dick and nothing else.
Not me.
Because I’m not the one she wants, I’m just someone to fill her for twenty minutes and then leave her even emptier than before.
I’m only doing what she wants, I tell myself, as I try not to think about the pleasure running through my own body mixed with the painful awareness that this is the only warmth I’ll ever feel.
The only thing she’s willing to give me.
