Riley
When I open my eyes, the shooting pain piercing my skull makes me wish I was dead. I try to move, but the grip I feel around my body and my physical weakness prevent me from getting up.
I turn my head and realise that Ian is here, on my sofa next to me, and that I’m in his arms.
I close my eyes and try to remember what happened, but the last thing that comes to mind is his body on top of mine and his invasive, painful thrusts. The feeling of emptiness that I felt when he pulled out from me.
I shiver and try to escape the absurd imagine of me and him - the throw falls suddenly to the floor, making me realise that I’m completely naked.
Ian’s eyes snap open. I try to pick up the throw again, to cover myself, but when I tug at it, I discover that he’s in the same condition as me.
I curl myself into a ball in a corner of the sofa, hugging my chest while Ian wakes up and rubs his face with his hand.
He sits up with his back to me, allowing me to enjoy a look at his perfect, well-defined back. Then he gets to his feet, revealing his tight glutes and muscular legs without a hint of embarrassment.
My eyes go to the tattoos that cover his arms, his shoulders and the muscles that run down his abdomen.
I swallow hard and force myself to stop looking at him.
Ian moves around the apartment without saying a word. I feel my heart hammering loudly in my chest and my headache grows stronger than ever.
I cover my face with my hands trying to come up with something to say, but he comes back, and stops in front of me.
I let my hands drop and look up at him timidly. Ian is wrapped in a towel and extends his hand to me with two tablets in it. I accept them and put them in my mouth before he passes me a bottle of water. I swallow them as he sits down next to me.
“You scared me.”
“That wasn’t my intention, I didn’t think you’d come here after…” I didn’t finish the phrase, I close my eyes and swallow down my dignity.
“I shouldn’t have let you just leave like that, not after what happened between us.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
He stands up, hurt by what I’ve just said. He paces the living room and then takes his head in his hands, messing up his hair.
“I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that.”
“You…what?”
He turns to face me again.
“I was wrong. You were vulnerable and scared and I—”
“You fucked me. End of story.”
“That’s not what I wanted to do.”
“Now you’re trying to tell me that you made a big sacrifice for me? That an easy lay isn’t every man on the planet’s fantasy?”
“What? Me, no…” he huffs and comes closer to me. He kneels down next to me and speaks calmly. “Do you think it was easy for me? I’m drowning in my own guilt.”
Confused by his words and unnerved by my own thoughts, I get up from the sofa, but my head spins so much that I almost go down. I land in his arms that grab me and hold me to his warm body. The throw falls away from us, leaving me naked against him.
“Riley,” he whispers into my neck. “I’m sorry, I swear to you it’s not what I wanted.”
His words hurt me and make me feel even more refused that before.
“You regret it.” I say leaning away from him. “Just like the last time. What’s the matter? I’m not enough for you, Ian O’Connor?” I spit my remorse in his face.
He grabs me by the wrist and forces me to face him.
“That night…Christ, Riley, do you have the slightest idea what I was feeling? How much it cost me to leave you there alone on my bed?”
I rest my open hands on his chest as his slide gently down my back. Then he speaks directly into my lips.
“I don’t want to be a distraction from your loneliness. I don’t want to be the last drop of emptiness that fills you. I don’t want to be something you look for to hide away from the rest of the world.”
I look up at him and the warmth I see in his eyes makes my knees weak.
“I just want you to be mine.”
