27
CIARA
I turn in the bed repeatedly. I feel something biting at my throat and I have the sensation that someone is trying to strangle me.
I fly awake with my hands on my neck, almost gasping for air when I can feel someone next to me and I almost shriek in fear.
“It’s me Ciara. You’re safe,” he whispers. And after hearing that warm, familiar voice, I relax a bit and try to focus on his face.
His hair is a mess, he has bloodshot eyes and the beginnings of some black circles around them are forming. His face is pale and drawn.
“You’re here,” he says.
“Where else could I go?” I force a smile. “What happened to you?”
“Nothing, nothing you need to worry about. I’ve fixed everything, relax, everything is going to be fine.”
He comes to me and tries to take my hand, but I pull back and put it up to my chest.
His jaw sets at my refusal even if he’s trying to stay calm.
He is suffering: my detachment has hurt him, I know, but I can’t help it. My eyes drop to his bruised hands and everything that happened a few hours ago comes rushing back to me. I cover my eyes with my hands as if it is enough to prevent those images from returning.
“Ciara,” Aaron whispers. “What… Tell me what I can do for you. Anything.”
I shake my head without having the energy necessary to look at him and speak.
“Do you want me to call your mother? Do you want me to leave you alone?”
At this last question, I free my face and force myself to look at him and in his lost eyes I see the fear he has of losing me.
“No… please don’t. Stay.”
“Alright.”
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Could you just not get too close?” I ask him, biting my lip. “Why don’t you stay there on the armchair?”
Aaron isn’t able to avoid closing his eyes tightly. I see him swallow the words and nod. He moves away from me and goes back to resting on the chair. I lay down and turn my back, even if I’m sure now that I won’t sleep.
I try to relax and to breathe slowly to calm myself because I know I’m in a safe place because he is here.
After at least a half an hour of absolute silence, listening to only his heavy breathing, I hear him begin to cry. Little bits of whimpering which have a devastating effect on me.
I turn to him slowly and see him with his head in his hands trying to sob in silence. It’s terribly moving and touches my soul.
I raise myself up a bit and he freezes in place, perceiving my movements. He does not lift his head, but remains silent, looking at the floor.
So, I push myself to the edge of the bed and put my feet on the carpet. I step towards him and touch him lightly with my hand. Aaron’s head snaps up and what I see in his eyes is everything I’ve ever hoped and wished to see.
His love.
His love for me.
“I thought I lost you. I thought…” he breaks out crying, unable to hold back his emotions. “I could not have tolerated something happening to you. I can take anything, Ciara, but not that.”
