“I’m here, Aaron.”
“I am not strong, or confident, I’m not… anything. I didn’t know what I was doing, not until you showed me what I was missing out on. Now I know with certainty that I cannot live without it. I can’t live without you, Ciara.”
My lip starts shaking and the tears won’t stop cascading down his face.
“This is my fault,” he says. “I’ll never be able to forgive myself for it.”
“Your fault?”
“If I hadn’t acted like an idiot you would not have been alone.”
“But you came back.”
“I shouldn’t have left you there in the first place.”
I shake my head and take a step backwards.
“Forgive me, Ciara.”
“You don’t have to ask for forgiveness, Aaron. It wasn’t your fault, it was mine.”
“Yours? How could it possibly be your fault?”
“I… I provoked him. I instigated it. Maybe I made him think he had a chance with me, maybe—”
“What?” he says sharply, jumping to his feet. “Who the hell gave you that idea? Did he tell you that?”
“He was right. I invited him into the pub, I was nice to him, I made him think—”
“Don’t let yourself believe that nonsense, Ciara. Can you hear me? He’s trying to manipulate your feelings. He’s a fucking maniac!”
I shake my head and sit on the bed again, hugging my knees to my chest.
“I’m foolish. I’m just a silly daydreamer who never thinks people are out to hurt me. Good Lord, I even believe in fairy tales!”
“I hate hearing you talk that way. That’s not who you are. That’s not what you’re like.”
“No, Aaron. It’s time to put aside these childish ways and for me to start accepting the world as it really is, even if it’s totally different from how I had imagined it, and it’s very painful.”
“Ciara…”
“You were right.”
“No! I was wrong!”
I won’t go back to my old ways of fancy outcomes and happy endings because reality is something very different and it’s about time I figured that out. I need to grow up and start thinking that it’s time to put away my colored pencils and to accept the sober shades of gray that adult people adapt to.
“I don’t believe in anything right now, Aaron. Not even love.”
And as I say that I see his soul begging for help and I feel his heart turn to powder in my cold hands.
—
AARON
I cannot believe what she has just said and cannot accept that this bastard has done this to her, making her think this way.
“You’re still in shock, it’s okay for you to feel mixed up, but this isn’t you talking.”
