23
CIARA
I watch him close the garage door. I hear him open his car door and then hear it shut again. I hesitate with an impatient heart, hoping that he’ll turn back on his tracks, that he’ll break into my garage and take me in his arms and tell me that he’s finally realized that he loves me and he can’t do without me.
The minutes go by painfully slowly and with them, creativity disappears, swallowed up by the solitude and silence that is hovering around me.
I gave myself to him completely. He asked me to be his and I conceded, fool of this love and of this stupid hope to have him for myself.
I hold my arms around my waist and give in to my discomfort. He’s gone, taking all of my dreams with him. I let him go because I want him to be free to choose and he didn’t feel an obligation to stay with me or say the words I hope for just because we made love again—in my safe spot, my hiding place that I’ll never be able to look at again the same way after tonight.
With my trembling heart and my stomach in butterflies I decide to go to the house and go to bed where I will surely pass the rest of the night flushing out all the remaining tears that are in me. I collect my brushes that are strewn about the floor and go to shut the garage door tightly when I hear a dull thud from outside that makes me jump back.
I wait there, frozen in place, biting my lip, hoping that he’ll appear before me but when the door opens, it’s not the man I was hoping to see before me coming into my garage.
“Hi,” he greets me as he pulls the hood off his head.
I shiver at the sound of that voice that now seems distorted and devoid of any of its former kindness.
“Judging by the silence and the darkness all around it would appear that by now everyone’s gone. There’s only you here. Or to put it better, there’s only you and me.”
I step back away from him when he grabs my arm forcefully.
“Is it possible that you still haven’t understood?”
I swallow hard, unable to speak or move.
“I tried being nice with you, to be the kind of guy a woman likes, or rather that a woman like you likes. But it seems as if you prefer this handsome dark tough guy who is impassive. A guy who saved you from an unpleasant situation one time and then uses those brownie points to get between your legs… But Ciara, this time, I’m telling you, he won’t come. No one will come between us tonight.”
This time?Oh God.
“He won’t be back, you can be sure of that.”
A shiver of terror runs down my spine. I squeeze my eyes shut to placate the tears that I’m unable to hold back.
“Shh… take it easy. You know I’m a nice person, you said it yourself, right? If you had only given me a possibility, a shred of hope, it wouldn’t have come to this. You understand that, don’t you Ciara? This is all your fault. You should not have led me on like you did. But you always act like that, don’t you? You bat your pretty eyelashes, you make doe eyes… You whisper in my ear and touch my hand and thenheshows up and Mark doesn’t exist anymore.”
He slowly lets up on his grip on my arm.
“Be very careful. If you try to even let one syllable out of that mouth of yours I swear to you that things are going to be a lot more unpleasant than what you imagine.”
I nod because it’s the only thing I’m able to do. I am paralyzed with fear, petrified by his voice and frozen by his unwanted touch as he viciously caresses my cheek. He grabs me by the arms and throws me against the wall.
“I want to assure you that I’m not a violent person and under different circumstances you could have gotten to know the best of me, but you’ve really pissed me off big time. I don’t like being pushed aside, especially for someone like him.”
“But I… I never…” I try to speak between my sobs.
He breaks out in a bitter laugh.
“Don’t tell me that you were about to recite that old part about never having led anyone on… You, and your smiles, your kindness, your availability, without even taking into consideration the way you go around dressed like a tart, with those tight pants that scream out ‘please, jump me!’ Well good then,” he continues, getting closer to me and taking my chin in his hand. “I’m about to make you happy.”
—
AARON
What am I doing here? Why am I sitting in the fucking car instead of being with her? Why did I walk out like a common bastard instead of staying there with her to talk and let her know what I feel? Why didn’t I uncover myself to her, lay it all out, just enough to let her know it’s not her fault that I’m a hopeless asshole.
How could I have taken advantage of her love and walked out without having the courage to tell her that without her I’m not even able to rationalize all these things.
