“I wasn’t worried about it in the beginning,” my mom goes on. “I knew him, knew that he was a good guy and that he never would have taken advantage of the situation. But then you grew up and became a beautiful woman and he… Well, he became the morose, buttoned-up man that we all know, the man who gave everything to his family.”
“He is so alone, Mom,” I whisper as the first teardrops start to fall.
“I know,” she says, squeezing me tighter. “He’s taken care of everyone, his family and friends, but he’s never taken care of himself. Neither has anyone else. That guy worries me, I hate to see him get lost like this.”
“He’s already lost, Mom, completely lost. And I don’t know how to help him.”
“Ah, my sweet baby,” she says, kissing my head and rubbing my shoulders. “I won’t sit here telling you what to do, you’re an adult now and have to make your own decisions. But, darling, being an adult means understanding when to let go and when to hold on tighter.”
I cuddle up to her neck and shoulder and let my tears fall unchecked.
My mom is right, of course. I keep hurting myself, hoping and waiting. Maybe it’s time to really give up and open my eyes, even though I know it will hurt like hell.
I have to accept that Aaron will never love me. I have to forget about the night I just passed in his arms, his heat and his lips on my skin. I have to forget his eyes and his smile, his unkempt beard and perfect body.
Maybe the time has really come to let him go.
—
AARON
I go downstairs as soon as I see Ciara from my bedroom window. She’s hurrying off into the distance in the rain.
I have to stop my impulse to run after her, to beg forgiveness on bended knee if necessary and to tell her that I’ve once again acted like a useless asshole. To confess that she has given me the most beautiful and emotional night of my life, and the reason why is not because I’ve been starved of sex for a year.
I get dressed quickly, cursing myself, my stupid weakness and my fucked-up sense of control that abandoned me right when I needed them most.
What the hell was my head telling me?
I couldn’t go on resisting, refusing that touch that now seems like the only thing that’ll help me go on breathing.
I get to the dining room and my stomach contracts and a strange agitation quickly rises in me, ready to seal my throat closed and cut off my oxygen supply. I go to the kitchen with the intention of making myself a cup of coffee and to gather my thoughts but when I see Liam and Jay sitting at the counter I understand that this day is not going to end well for me.
“Aaron,” Jay begins.
“This is not the moment for one of your homilies, Jay.”
“Well, I think we need to talk about what happened Last night.”
Last night.
Ciara under me. Over me. Around me. Inside of me.
I shake my head violently to try to forget the sensation of her hot skin touching mine.
“Don’t misunderstand me, I’m glad your period of abstinence is over and that you’ve decided to resume relations with the opposite sex, although I don’t think I can ever look at Ciara again after having seen… Oh God, I can’t even look at you. I have to wash my eyes with acid! You were… naked!”
“Don’t provoke me,” I growl.
“Jesus, Aaron! Why did you have to have your fun with Patrick’s sister?” Liam interrupts.
“I didn’t… I…”
“You?”
“It wasn’t my intention to fool around. Not with her.”
“Well then, what the hell happened?”
