20
CIARA
The bus ride to get back to my parents’ house lasted an eternity. After leaving Aaron’s room, I went to gather my things and left that house in a hurry and did not look back. Aaron did nothing to stop me and I should have anticipated it but the disappointment burns every single part of my body and my heart, and I can’t stop shaking.
What was I thinking of? That he would have seriously just been made aware of me and that he’d want to love me and stay with me forever?
Because that’s what I want and I have to be honest about it. I’m not looking for an adventure, or sex or friendship.
I want him and the happily ever after.
I want everything that Aaron doesn’t want.
Then I get off the bus and walk the couple of hundred meters that separate my house from the bus stop ignoring the rain and not worrying about, covering myself. At least I won’t have to work hard hiding my tears.
I open the door and find my mother in the living room, sitting on the couch still in her pyjamas having a cup of coffee.
“Hey sweetheart. Home already?” She welcomes me with a tired smile. We all had a long busy day yesterday.
“I thought you woulda been out until this evening with the day we had! Everyone here is still asleep, but I wasn’t able to close my eyes. I’m still choked up, you know? I can’t believe Patrick married that girl. I’m the happiest mother on earth.”
“Um-hmm,” I offer in a hurry, trying to make off up the stairs but I’m not fast enough or clever enough to hide what’s going on right now.
“Ah, darling, come and sit down. I’ll pour you a cup.”
I nod and, head bowed, follow her instructions.
I sit on the couch while she goes to the kitchen to prepare a cup for me too then comes back to sit down, handing me the coffee and wrapping an arm around me.
“What’s happened?”
“Nothing mama. I’m just tired.”
“Meaning that I have to guess what it is?”
I can’t get one past her. How does she do it?
“It’s complicated,” I say vaguely, taking a page out of Aaron’s book.
“What’s complicated?”
I shrug a shoulder and close up like a porcupine.
“Is it still him?”
I snap my head up to look at her with weary eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that, I’m your mother.”
“Are you also a seer?” I ask with raised brows.
“I’ve known you for twenty-two years and I’ve known him for at least thirty.”
“Ma, I don’t think—”
“You used to follow Patrick like a shadow, wherever he went. At first I thought you did it because he was the oldest child and that you followed him like some kind of idol but after awhile I noticed how your eyes would light up when they were around. And it wasn’t because of admiration for your brother.”
I look away and bite the inside of my cheek, hoping not to cry.
