“Aaron…”
“And I had nothing to offer her. None of what she wanted. I should have put her in first place. She should have come before everything. I should have made her the center of my world, but my world was really crowded.”
I’m confused. I’m unsettled and perhaps a bit mentally unstable.
“I couldn’t think about myself, about us. I had to think about Rain and all of the implications of the accident. I told her that I wouldn’t be able to give her anything more than what she already had. Half a man, divided by his love for his family and his love for her. She fell in love with someone else. A good guy. They got married and have a child. She’s happy and far from me. It’s like they ripped my heart straight out of my chest. Love comes and goes, Ciara, and when it goes… it leaves you weak and wishing for death. After her, I decided not to allow myself the luxury of discovering at my own expense what happens to a man when he loses everything. I was left alone. I had Rain, the guys and the pub… I stopped thinking about myself. No woman approached me and I did nothing to change the situation.”
“They don’t know what they missed out on.” I smile at him even if he refuses to look at me.
“Or perhaps they knew full well what they were going up against. I’m not an easy guy to get along with, you know. I have responsibilities, obligations. I have a weight on my shoulders that would crush anyone standing next to me. I’m not a romantic person, I would not give you flowers and chocolates, I would not take you out and hold the door open for you. I would not give you compliments and write love songs for you. I’m not that guy. I’m not what you’re looking for and what you deserve. I’ve set myself and my heart on the sidelines. I’ve completely forgotten about myself and I thought I was doing the right thing, that no one would get hurt.”
And he lifts his eyes to finally look at me.
“And then you noticed me, shaking up my little screwed-up way of life.”
“I have always noticed you, Aaron. When you were still a boy, when you were a musician, when you took care of Rain and when you were helping the guys. I’ve always seen you for what you are.”
“And what’s that?” He smiles bitterly. “A hopeless disaster?”
“I’ve always seen a man to love, Aaron. Fascinating, sexy with a big heart. I’ve always considered you the only man to love. The only man Icouldlove.”
He shakes his head and backs away from me.
“You’re only twenty-two, Ciara. Twelve years younger than me. You’ve got your whole life to fall in love, to be happy and to dream about a future that you deserve. You do deserve the Prince Charming you’re looking for and I can tell you, he’s not me.”
He looks at me and I feel a spasm in my heart because I have a man in front of me who no longer believes in anything, he is without hope.
“Let me stay beside you.”
He shakes his head again as he contracts his jaw to control his emotions.
“I can do that, can’t I?”
“I know you can, I’m the one who can’t let you. Don’t screw your life up by getting mixed up with me, Ciara, because it’ll leave us both shattered. I would destroy your dreams and destroy you right along with them. I can’t be party to your downfall. It’s something I wouldn’t ever be able to forgive myself for.”
—
AARON
After everything I said to her, she hasn’t batted an eyelid. And she’s still here. How come she’s not running like crazy? Anybody else would have. Instead, she got up, smoothed out her dress and took me by the arm, inviting me to do the same.
“You need to relax. It’s been a long, hard day full of emotions.”
She drags me by the arm, forcing me to follow her up the stairs towards my room. She opens the door and helps me sit on the bed. She goes to help me unbutton my shirt but I block her, grabbing her wrists. She looks at me, startled.
“If you want to stay here, you have to make me a promise,” I tell her in my tough-guy voice. “You have to promise me that you’ll go to another room, any room, I don’t care which and lock yourself in there and don’t open the door even if I beg you on my knees to let me in.”
“Aaron, you’re exaggerating—”
“Promise me or I’ll be forced to kick you out. You can’t allow me to take advantage of you.”
“You won’t.”
“Oh, I will.” I whisper as I draw closer to her and I hold her waist. “I can’t help it… I want you so badly, Ciara…”
She caresses my hair gently, before kissing my forehead.
I don’t have the strength to push her away. I am unable to keep her away from me because deep down, I’m selfish and I’d like her to help me escape the obscurity of my own life.
