Someone who loves him, heart and soul, who will not ever abandon him. Because he is a lost man, drifting and fighting a battle against himself and against his own desire to just live what he’s feeling.
—
AARON
I sit alone at the table for the groomsmen. The others have gone off to dance. Patrick is uncontainable—he’s got an energy and a will to live sprouting from his every movement, his every look.
He’s incredibly happy and I’m damned desperate.
I take the tie off finally and throw it away with a wave of irritation. By now, everyone is high on drink and happiness and no one takes any notice of me.
The ceremony was long and heartbreaking, full of words of love and promises, all promises that I’ll never make and that no one will ever make to me.
I saw the guys filled with emotion and the girls on the verge of an unprecedented emotional crisis.
I sawher.
I felt like I was dying.
Dying from this sentiment that I can’t approve of and that won’t lead to anything good.
She also looked at me and I’m sure she read me and knows just what I’m feeling, yet I should not be. I fell for it again, I let myself look at her and let myself get wrapped up again in that light that I now recognize I will be hopelessly lost without. But I know that it’s the right thing to do, to deny myself.
Dinner was a nightmare. I know I shouldn’t say that. After all it’s a wedding and I should be positive, but I just can’t pull it off. Looking at her in front of me as she chats with the girls, making fun of her brother, while she was simply being herself. It was slow agony that dragged me by the scalp towards the madness.
Because I want her desperately.
Now.
And I can’t find the strength to renounce her.
Ciara is dancing with one of her brothers. Everyone is dancing all around her but, Jesus, she’s able to blur out anything and anyone within a fifty-meter radius.
How in God’s name, have I managed to get myself into this situation?
Jay comes back to the table to get another drink. Everyone’s drinking tonight and the majority of the guests will sleep here, but not me. I’ll be going home, alone, as usual.
“Not dancing?” Jay asks.
“No thank you.”
He sits next to me and sighs. One of those sighs that is a preamble to a paternal speech.
“Can I tell you what I think?”
“Don’t you always?”
He nods and takes another sip from his glass before hitting me with it.
“You know what I see?”
“Illuminate me,” I reply sarcastically.
“I see everyone happy. For once, for one fucking time, all of them are happy.”
“Good for them.”
“Why can’t you be?”
