16
JASON
“So, have you called her?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Liam huffs and turns his back on me, resting his head on the window and closing his eyes, letting his leg dangle nervously.
We are on the plane going to London to meet the manager my father got us the appointment with.
I have to be honest, I didn’t feel like going, but we’ve set things in motion and I can’t turn back now. I’ve always pushed to make it happen before my world came crashing down when I saw her at the pub.
Patrick and Aaron are sitting in the aisle next to me and both are showing signs of frustration on their faces. I look at my friends and think of my situation and I ask myself, what the hell am I doing here? No one seems to be thrilled about the direction this is taking. No one wants to be on this airplane right now; and yet, here we are, going towards our destiny together as we always dreamed we would.
I turn to Liam and give him a nudge with my elbow to get his attention.
“What?” he barks.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re gnarly, and it’s very clear you don’t want to be here.”
“That’s the effect London has on me.”
“Because of what happened here?”
He reflects for a few seconds before sighing and shaking his head.
“I know you can’t understand it, Jay. That lifestyle…that way of making music…all of it. It’ll kill us.”
Liam had a bunch of problems during his time as a musician in London after Neil died and everything that went with it: the drug addiction, depression, the desire to just end it all. It wasn’t easy to get back to a normal life and I think it’s normal that he’d be afraid of falling into all that stuff again.
“I know that things didn’t go very well for you, that you were overwhelmed…”
“No, Jay. It’s not just that. That world isn’t for us, believe me.”
“I don’t follow you.”
He straightens up in his seat and rests his arm on the rest. He rubs his forehead and wipes the tiredness from his eyes. He seems undecided as to whether he should talk or not.
“Let’s just say that the rock-star type of life pulled out the worst in me.”
“I believe you, friend. You were a wreck…”
“Yes, I know. But I saw people falling into that vortex day after day. A big emptiness, because that’s what it is and you don’t get out of it. I don’t think we were made for it.”
“Us? All of us?”
“I’m not completely out of it. It’s true, I’ve got Rain, things are different. But what I have inside of me is always in there,” he says, touching his chest with a fist. “And it’s always ready to come out.”
“But we’re here…”
He laughs a bit too loudly.
“You think you’re better than me? Take a look at Patrick for example.” He says this loudly, calling for our friend’s attention.
