15
JASON
“Let me understand this. Your father was able to fix the mess I created?”
“Yes, Patrick, I’ve already explained this to you at least three times. He’s got it under control. He put in a good word and the recording company is ready to meet us again.”
My father is giving us a hand. I never would have expected it from him, and yet he’s really working it to help get us another shot at success. Even if he says this isreallythe last shot there is.
“And we seriously have to go—”
“—To London, that’s where their HQ is, and don’t freak out about it!”
Patrick gets dark in the face and starts playing with his tongue piercing. That thing has always bothered me, I don’t know how he can stand it in his mouth. I turn my attention to Liam, who also seems worried.
“Something wrong?” I ask, seeing as neither of them seem particularly enthusiastic.
I know it’s not a definite chance and after having come to nothing as it did last time, it’s not likely that the music business ‘suits’ will be super understanding, but they have agreed to meet with us, so maybe it’s not all over for the band.
I wasn’t sure about going away for a few days. I’m not sure about keeping a distance from this place, from this life we have here.
From her.
I just found her again and I’m taking little steps to get closer to help her deal with the fear of it. And so leaving now would set me back to the starting point. But, at the same time, I don’t want to pressure her too much. I don’t want to suffocate her by spying on her every breath.
And on the other hand, we’ve been working on our music, we finally have some new material in hand, maybe this really is our moment.
“Have you told Alex?” Patrick asks me seriously.
“That’s none of your business.”
He can’t ask me that, he doesn’t have the right. As far as I can see, the only one who has something to hold him in this place is Patrick.
“I don’t know that this is the right moment…”
“What the hell, Patrick!” I huff in frustration. “You have always been the one pushing us all to play. I understand that now you’ve got a family and music is now a secondary priority for you, but come on! Isn’t it what you always wanted? What we all wanted? Don’t you want to give Erin and Lily a better future?”
I take it out on him, vomiting out all of my frustration and indecision onto him. I’m a coward, hiding my fears and drawing his out, so as to avoid showing my own weakness.
He’s not an idiot. Contrary to the way he sometimes appears, Patrick understands everything.
Patrick understands more than any of us.
“Jay, take it easy. You’re nervous and upset. Is there something you want to tell us?” Liam interjects.
“There’s nothing to say,” I cut it short.
Patrick scratches his head and mutters something about it being opening time. I watch him as he goes to the door and I feel guilty for having taken my frustrations out on him. I’m just about to stop him and apologize when Liam speaks again.
“So, how are things going with Alex?”
“Not at all, Liam. We’re standing still in time. She’s afraid and I’m just in the background. There’s really not much to say.”
“But you told her how you feel, didn’t you?”
“Not exactly…”
“Did you tell her that you love her?”
