Doesn’t she understand, doesn’t she get that it’s too late for me to turn back now? I can’t ask my heart to deny her, or force my mind to cancel her face from its memory. If I could have, I would have done it five years ago and anyway, it wouldn’t have done me any good.
I’m afraid to talk to her, to touch her, to hug her. I’m afraid to see her die in my arms. I can’t watch someone else die.
Should I continue on like this, pretending it’s nothing, considering her only to be a friend, an old friend that I’d like to have in my bed every night?
What the fuck does she take me for?
I must be out of my mind. How can I even think something like that?
And yet, I would, I’d like it so much, even if I could be contented with just kissing her again, to see what effect her the flavor of her lips has on me.
“What do you say, shall we open up?”
Liam calls my attention. I nod and he goes to open the doors ofOnly4you.
Life continues. Life doesn’t give a shit about me or my situation. Doesn’t give a damn if I’m not well, if I’m slowly dying in this agony made of sighs, kisses never given and caresses I’ll never give the woman I love.
The woman I love, God bless her.
We’re not kids anymore, we’re no longer those friends who spent afternoons together. We are a man and a woman who need one another to breathe, to live.
I need her because she’s the only woman that I could die for and the only one I want by my side: even if it were only for a day or an hour, it’d be worth it.
Love is always worth the pain.
“Jay?” Rain’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts and grounds me. “I wanted to ask you if tonight…you could stay out and not come home.”
“What? And where the hell should I go? And why should I…” but I don’t finish the phrase.
I know why she doesn’t want me at home.
It’s not her who doesn’t want me, it’s someone else.
And my heart stops beating.
She doesn’t want me.
“I wanted to stay a bit with Alex, she needs to be distracted.”
“And I am not the distraction that she needs.”
She smiles, embarrassed.
I can understand her. I can understand both of them.
“Don’t worry, let her stay the night. I’ll find a solution.”
“I’m sorry,” she says sadly, touching my arm.
“Don’t be sorry, Rain, I understand.”
“It’s just that, she’s scared.”
“She’s afraid that I’ll hurt her,” I say, clenching my fists and swallowing a piece of my heart.
“No, she’s not afraid you’ll hurt her. She’s not afraid of you but ratherforyou.”
I give her an inquisitive glance.
