I’ll see you again… You never really left… I feel you walk beside me… I know I’ll see you again.
I can’t stand this, I can’t avoid looking at her and telling her that she’s always been with me, that I’ve never forgotten about her and even if we were just two kids, I loved her.
I loved my best friend.
And I’d do anything to get her back.
“Don’t say anything,” she whispers, before biting her lip forcefully to stop herself from crying.
“Alex…” I take her hand and squeeze it desperately.
“Please!” She moves her lips, her voice broken with sobs.
And I respect her wish to be quiet, paralyzed by the memories that destroy me, mixed with suffering and fear. Fear of losing her, losing the only person I ever loved besides my mother.
I can’t give her up again and if the only way I can have her in my life is to not love her, then I won’t.
I won’t love you Alex.
If that’s what you want from me.
I lie to myself and to my heart because I love her already more than anything else and nothing can change that, not even the fear that it could all end one day.
Not even the fear that death could take her away in any moment.
Nothing, Alex,nothingcan take away what I feel about you.
—
ALEX
“So, I’m going to swing by and pick you up at 7:00.”
In the phone call, Rain has convinced me to go out with her, Liam and Keith, the guy who works with them at the pub.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“It’s just a dinner together so we don’t all have to be alone. Don’t worry.”
“It’s just that the whole idea makes me anxious.”
“Relax. Have you taken your medicine?”
“Rain,” I chastise her.
I hate it when she asks me that.
“I just wanted…”
“Don’t do it. Not you.”
“Okay, sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“See you tonight.”
I hang up with the feeling that this is not going to help me, that it won’t move me along at all and that I don’t want to get to know other guys and I’m not looking for a relationship.
