30
JASON
Someone is shaking me, trying to get me to open my eyes. I was having a nice dream. Alex and I were hand-in-hand walking barefoot along the freezing sand and braving the waves that would get us every once in a while. She was yelling and I would grab her quickly and hold her against me and kiss her lips. She had a rosy color to her skin, her face was serene and her eyes were clear and full of emotion.
But, opening my eyes I realize I am in a sterile, white room on a bed that’s too small for two people and that the right side of my body has completely fallen asleep.
Alex is sleeping in my arms.
She seems so small and fragile that I can’t help worrying about what she’s about to face.
“Hey, friend,” Patrick says and I turn in the direction of his voice.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here for you…and for her.”
I get up and slip off the side of the bed.
“Let’s go, the others are downstairs.”
“The others?” I ask confused, brushing a hand in my hair.
“The family,” he says, smiling. “The whole family is here.”
I greet Alex’s parents, who are speaking with the doctor outside her room. I let her sleep a bit longer before they wake her and get her ready for the operation. I go downstairs to get some coffee before going back up to her and when I do I find everyone sitting in the hospital cafeteria.
Liam and Rain, Aaron, Erin and Patrick.
“What the heck?”
Rain gets up and comes over to hug me. “Come, sit with us.”
I follow her to the table where a coffee Erin has got for me appears. Erin touches my shoulder affectionately and smiles in comprehension, as always, as the others sit quietly, trying their best not to stare at me.
And I can feel all of their eyes on me. They are worried about me falling apart, I know. That I will break down in front of them and give in to despair. But that’s not going to happen.
I’m a man, I’m strong and I’m…in pieces.
“You can do it, Jay,” Aaron reads my mind.
I let my head fall to the table and the first tears make their way out. The others get up and gather around me.
We don’t say anything. We stay like that, united together as only a family can. Then, we all take a breath and I dry my eyes with my sleeve.
“I brought you some clothes,” Erin says, handing me a bag.
“You’ll feel better if you go and change.”
“No doubt about that, brother. You’re disgusting. You don’t want Alex to see you like that, do you? She might change her mind about you…understand you’re not really worth it. Check it out a bit to see if there’s anything a littlefresheraround.” Erin stops his monologue with a slap to his head.
“What did I say?” he asks with mock innocence.
“You are impossible,” Erin retorts.
And as everyone chastises him for being out of place as usual, I silently thank him with my eyes because he just took the pressure off me. Now all eyes are on him and not me. I can retain a tiny bit of dignity, closing myself in the bathroom by myself, falling to the ground and getting rid of all of the tears I have before going to show her my very best smile.
—
