the wall and keep away from the people in the pub
to escape these emotions that are dragging me
down.
But it’s not enough. No. It would be too easy.
I want to hurt myself more. I want to get to that
other part of the tunnel and then decide if I should
come back or not.
So I go up the stairs, open the door and a cloud
of memories runs through my mind so intensely
that I lose my balance and have to place my hand
on the wall behind me to steady myself.
I see her singing around the counter. In front of
the mirror as she rubs her belly. Lying on the bed
as I kiss every fucking inch of her body. I can hear
her whispering my name. I can feel her hands and
she caresses my face and her lips heal all of my
wounds.
I see and hear everything and I understand that I
have gone crazy because she isn’t here. The house
is empty. Her things are gone.
I go into her room and sit on the bed, caressing
the sheets. Then I turn my head to the dresser
where there’s a teddy bear with a pink bib that
says, ‘It’s a girl’.
I take it and hold it tightly against my chest and
let all of the pain flow out in tears that I still have
to spill and that will fall for an eternity because I
will never be able to forget her and the life that I
cannot have.
26
