I’m not able to contain everything I feel. I am not
able to maintain control.
I want her, I desire her, and I want to spend
every night with her in my arms, to help her…
I want her goddamnit.
Allof her.
But I’m not able to, I don’t know how it’s done
… I’m not able to love.
What can I do? Stay with her? Raise somebody
else’s child? Me? The guy that’s always refused
the idea of a family, me who doesn’t want to end
up like my parents, that doesn’t want to live in a
shithole of a house in a rat hole of a neighborhood
with six mouths to feed and a part-time job?
Okay, things are going well for me now, I’m
alone and I have no responsibility, I have no one to
maintain and no one to take care of.
And I’m not able to face anything more than
day-to-day life where I am all that matters.
Love consumes you, it bends you and it
destroys you.
I bang my head against the wood, cursing
myself for having gone to that girl’s house and
trying to screw her and then leaving half naked
with my mind completely flooded with Erin, Erin,
Erin.
I wasn’t able even to look at her.
Couldn’t do it.
And now I’m here cursing myself for having
followed her upstairs, jumping her and then
