remained there until today, or maybe to be honest,
until a few weeks ago.
I knew it was wrong the minute I set foot in her
life, but really, in the beginning, I just wanted to
lend a hand. She was in a spot, right? And that’s
what I do when somebody’s in trouble, I go to
their rescue.
But then, something inside me broke. I would
even dare to say it melted. My heart, trapped in a
block of ice, started moving without curing me of
the disaster that it would provoke in me.
Because she’s alone and vulnerable. And she’s
about to have some other man’s baby. I happen to
know what it’s like to raise a family just with your
own resources. “You don’t get the urge to throw
me on the couch and fuck me ’til tomorrow?” she
said to me.
How could she even think something like that?
Did I ever make her thinkthisis how I thought
of her? Of course I desire her, but I couldn’t do it,
and not only because I’m a bastard. I want her
because I’d like her, now, with everything that
entails.
And so it is that the words come flowing out. I
have no idea where they come from. Listening to
her use the work ‘fuck’ almost gives me the
shivers. I can’t stand hearing her talk in that crude
way. I can’t stand the idea that she even thinks that
way.
“I wouldn’t fuck you on that couch or on the
