I spread my legs eagerly, and then his tongue is at the center of my desire. I gasp as my muscles tense in a delicious way. I lift my pelvis, and he keeps licking me, increasing the pressure. I didn’t know anything could feel this good.
I moan loudly as he slides two fingers inside me and thrusts, gently at first, then faster as I start to squirm under him. I feel like I’m about to die. It’s too much and not enough at the same time. If he goes on like this, I’ll come in two seconds, and even if it’s a complete miracle, I don’t want it to be over so soon. Not yet.
“Wait,” I gasp, and he stops immediately. He looks up at me, an unspoken question in his eyes, his lips glistening. Because of me. That knowledge is doing something to me.
“Come here.”
I sit up, pulling him toward me, and he willingly does as I ask, allowing me to push him back on the mattress this time. I lower myself onto him with my legs spread wide and feel his erection throbbing against my wet warmth, and if there’s any last remnant of sanity in me, now it disappears completely. I bend down to kiss him and taste myself in his mouth. And him. Us. Together.
His eyes smolder as I back up enough so we can look at each other. We’re still staring into each other’s eyes as I reach betweenus and guide him inside me, agonizingly slowly. We groan at the same moment, and he curses softly. I have to smile. I don’t ever think I’ve felt so strong.
“Are you sure you’re not trying to kill me?” he says through gritted teeth. The tendons in his neck are showing. He’s struggling to control himself, and that makes me happy, because he’s doing it for me. He’s letting me take control.
“Pretty sure.” I tilt my hips, and he makes a sound I’ve never heard before. “After all, we’re not done yet.”
I don’t know what I’m doing when I start to move, but my body does, and I let myself go, moving my hips. His hands slide over my legs, but he doesn’t hold on to me. Beads of sweat cover his skin, and I lean forward, kissing them off his face, tasting the salt on my tongue. A quick, teasing bite of his lower lip, and he loses control. I love it when he starts to move now too, no longer hesitant and gentle, but hard and deep. I moan, and all I want is more.
We move in unison, our hips crashing together. My muscles are burning, and every fiber of my body is electrified. He kisses me. God, I didn’t know it was possible to be kissed this way! My hips thrust forward, and he slides a hand between us, finding the exact point that’s throbbing with desire. I gasp, pushing myself toward him. It feels like an altered state of consciousness. All of it. Both of us.
My whole body begins to pulse in the best possible way. How is it possible to feel like this? How couldIfeel like this?
Heat explodes inside me. I come with a stifled scream, and then I understand why an orgasm is called “the little death” in French. It really does feel a bit like that. My muscles contract around him, and he comes too. All I can feel is our bodies pulsing together.
I sink onto his chest and can feel his racing heartbeat under my hands. Then there’s nothing but deep satisfaction and peace.
Jase’s lips brush my temple, and I lift my head. His lips are puffy, his cheeks are red, and his hair is disheveled. Because of me. I always want it to be that way.
He looks at me andseesme, and at that moment, we really are everything to each other.
Chapter 29
Jase
When my parents kicked me out, I didn’t know where to go. I’ve never felt as lost as I did on that day when I couldn’t go back home—to your house.
—Jase
I had sex with Zoe. That really, really shouldn’t have happened. Unfortunately, it felt way too good. Not only the sex, but everything: switching off my mind, escaping from reality. For a moment that wasn’t long enough. She knows. She knows everything. Well, almost everything. I, on the other hand, still have no fucking idea exactly what happened back then and why everything happened the way it did.
Right now, I’m not even sure if I want to know. As I come out of the bathroom after throwing away the condom, Zoe is sitting on my bed with her arms wrapped around her knees. Her tangled red hair is spread out over her shoulders. She’s wearing her underwear and her sweater again. I’d prefer to take them off her again, but I can’t do that.
I want her to stay, but I want her to leave even more. My mind is overflowing, and I have no idea what to do. I’m tired. Notphysically, but mentally exhausted. I feel empty. I kind of am too. I let it all out when we had sex. We lost control. And now? Does it change anything?
“Jase,” she says softly. Just my name, which she’s said too many times today, sighing and moaning. Each time, there was a certain sound in her voice that’s only there when she says my damn name.
I tense and avoid her eyes. I don’t know what I should say or how I should react. Just a few minutes ago, everything was right. Me under her, her on top of me, skin on skin, and her mouth on mine. No thoughts, no words. Nothing and everything.
Now it all feels... not wrong, but also not right. It’s some kind of fugue state that I absolutely can’t deal with.
“Talk to me,” she pleads.
I reach for my boxer shorts. “I did talk. What else do you want to hear?” I ask more sharply than I intend. But what the hell should I say? What should I do? I have no idea how any of this works.
All I know is that she ended whatever it was that we had back then in the blink of an eye. But I don’t know why. I don’t know what happened last year, and somethingdidhappen.
I’m not stupid. Something must have happened. Someone doesn’t have a problem being touched without a reason.
You don’t panic if there’s not an explanation for it. And either I’m the reason, because yes, we were dancing the first time I saw her panic, or there’s another reason. Either way, I don’t understand. I don’t understandher. She remains silent, so I’m the one who has to start talking. Fuck, I hate this.
