Now I wish I’d asked him.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Zoe. I should just shut up. Forget what I said—I’m drunk!” he blurts out when I don’t answer. My mind has gone completely blank. Ten minutes ago, everything was fine. Ten minutes ago, I was the only one who was in love with Jase. I kissed him. He kissed me. It was perfect.
And now... how could so much go wrong so fast?
Caleb covers his face with his hands again. “How could I be so stupid? I knew that he wasn’t into me. Iknewit. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? Why did I have to fall in love with him?” His shoulders begin to shake, and he’s crying again. My heart breaks along with his, a little bit more.
“I—” I stop. Words start to form in my mind, but I can’t say them.
Because it’s much too easy to fall in love with Jase. I want to be with him. I want to do everything with him.
Buteverythingjust got a lot more complicated. Caleb is in love with Jase, and clearly it’s not just a crush. This is the kind of love that really hurts when it’s not returned.
I’m still at a loss for words, and there’s nothing I can say that would make him feel any better. Instead, I put my arms around my brother and let him cry. I cry with him because everything sucks, and I hate it. I hate that he’s hurting, I hate that he’s sad, and I hate that I would hurt him even more if I kissed Jase again. If we were really a couple.
I never thought Caleb and I would break each other’s hearts. But here we are, both crying over the same boy. At some point,after we’ve calmed down enough that it at least doesn’t hurt to breathe anymore, we leave the guest room and return to the party. Our eyes are red from crying.
My friends and Caleb’s are waiting for us in the kitchen, looking worried. They only have to look at our tearstained faces to know that something has gone seriously wrong.
Tristan hands Caleb a drink, and Amber gives one to me. We look each other in the eyes, clink our glasses, and swallow them down. I ignore the fact that Jase is waiting for me in the treehouse and will be worried when I don’t show up. I know I should talk to him, but I have no idea what I’d say. I can’t be with him without hurting Caleb.
Caleb is my brother and my best friend. I can’t be so egotistical.
That’s the last clear memory I have of the evening. Then... everything falls apart.
My life. My body. All that’s left of my heart.
Everything that makes me who I am.
Chapter 26
Jase
It felt like a piece of me was missing when I couldn’t write to you anymore. You were the remedy for the chaos in my mind, and it was terrible when you weren’t there.
—Jase
Five years ago, I was happy. I had a functional family, a stable circle of friends, a dream, and every chance in the world to fulfill it. I had everything I wanted.
And then that bubble of childish innocence and cluelessness just popped. Since then, my life has been in a fucking downward spiral. Broken family, no friends, and a future that could dissolve into thin air at any second.
And then there’s Zoe.
The girl who kissed me, then rejected me.
The girl who stopped answering my notes.
The girl who obviously doesn’t want me.
Except the damn kiss last night didn’t feel like she didn’t want me. It felt like something completely different, and I don’t understand it. I don’t understandher.
It’s not like I don’t have enough problems that I have to dealwith. Like the scholarship that I’m busting my butt for and might not get anyway. Like the tuition fee for this semester that I can’t afford, even with the movie theater job East got me two weeks ago. But it won’t be enough, not even close. I might be able to cover another two months, but that’s it. Then it will be over, and I’ll be out on the street. There are only so many hours in a week, and I’ve used them all up.
I’m completely screwed. My problems are piling up all around me, but I can’t stop thinking about that kiss.
I can’t stop thinking about her lips on mine, her fingers in my hair, the soft sigh that gave me goose bumps all over my body. Her tongue in my mouth. She still tastes like peaches.
I don’t want to think about it. Not about the kiss, and not about the money. I don’t want to think at all. But I can’t stop, damn it. I shouldn’t be thinking about her, shouldn’t let her get close to me, shouldn’t let her kiss me. But it’s too late. I’m not standing on the edge anymore. I’ve fallen.
