Somewhere deep inside, I know I should scream. Call for help. I know I have to dosomething.
“You—”
“Let me go!” I tug on my arm, but his grip gets stronger. I’m bowled over by panic.
No no no. Not again. Please, not again. Please please please.
“You have to listen to me, Zoe!”
“I heard you both. I heard what you said.” I sob, and my whole body starts to shake. My stomach is turning, and I think I’m going to throw up. “It was you. You were the one who did that to me.” I want to scream, but I can’t. My voice isn’t doing what I want.
Reed shakes his head, his face twisted in desperation. “It wasn’t like that. I... Charlotte told me you were waiting for me. That you wanted me. I was drunk. I didn’t know... I didn’t...” he stammers, and something inside me snaps. It hurts. It hurts so damn much.
“Charlotte told you that I wanted you to rape me?” I whisper. Tears run over my face, hot and salty.
His gaze follows the tears, then comes to rest on my mouth. I want to vomit and die and kill him, all at the same time.
“She said that you liked me, and you were embarrassed about being the only one of your friends who was still a virgin. She knew that I was into you, and I thought... I thought...” he breaks off, his voice shaking with agony.
I want to slap him. He has no right to that agony. He took everything from me. And no fucking excuse in the world can make up for it.
My ears are ringing, and my pulse is racing. I feel dizzy. I have to get away.
“Let go of me. Let go of me already!” My voice comes out loud and shrill.
And he does. He puts his hands up, but he doesn’t move back. He’s far too close to me now. This is all so absurd. So wrong.
“Zoe, please, I’m sorry! Don’t tell Caleb, please! It wasn’t my fault. Charlotte—”
My hand strikes his face, and then my fingernails catch on his skin and scratch it open. He cries out and takes a few steps backward.
The shock in his eyes shakes me out of my stupor, and so does the blood running down his face. I whirl around, yank the door open, and run down the corridor on shaking legs. Away from Reed and everything he’s done. Away from his voice calling my name.
The corridor is far too long. Why is it suddenly so long? I lose my balance and sense of direction. Everything is wrong.Why why why why?
I push open another door, and behind it, there’s darkness. Warm, safe darkness. I stagger through the room blind and run into something. My fingers meet fabric, many different kinds, and I realize that I must be in the costume workshop.
I feel my way deeper into the room. Maybe it would be better to turn on the light. But then Reed would see the light, and then he would find me. I can’t let that happen.
At some point, I bump against what I assume is a wall. My legs won’t carry me any farther; they simply collapse. I land hard on my knees and curl up on my side in a little ball.
I cry. I don’t remember the last time I cried this hard. Silent sobs shake my body. I have to be quiet so no one hears me.
No one. No one. No one.
Especially not Reed.
I bite my lip until I taste blood.
The rushing sound in my ears gets louder. It hurts. Everything hurts.
He touched me. Again. I’ve got to take a shower. Wash away his touch. Erase it. I feel so dirty.
I can’t breathe. My chest is too narrow; it feels like barbed wire is wrapped around it.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe, goddamn it.
I need to breathe, but I can’t.
