The engine hums to life, the headlights illuminating the pastures and driveway as she backs out. I’m left in her wake, the sound of gravel crunching under her tires as she drives away, while I remain rooted to the spot, like moving would mean admitting that she still has the power to wreck me.
It’s only when I’m certain she’s gone and I can no longer see her headlights that I finally move, heading to the backyard with the fire and warmth of my family, acting like nothing happened. Like Avery Blake didn’t just rip every wound I’ve worked so damn hard to cover up right back open.
10
GRAYSON
I’m hit in the face by a cloud of dust as I drag another hay bale from the back of the pickup truck and hoist it onto my shoulder. Pieces of straw stab through my navy T-shirt, and my fingers sting from where the twine has been digging into them, but I block out the pain and focus on putting one foot in front of the other as I head for the paddock.
Kade is brushing one of the yearlings like it’s offended him, a scowl on his face as he mutters something to himself. I don’t even want to know what’s put him in a mood, not when I have other things to deal with, like getting the ranch ready for the cattle sale and the return of my ex after twelve years.
Reed dropped by to help, but he hasn’t done much. He’s leaning against the fence, chatting up one of the ranch hands’ kids or sisters or something while Gracie watches on, a scowl that mirrors Kade’s on her face.
I drop the bale on the ground, wiping sweat from my brow as Wyatt moves to put it in place next to the others. Along with the cattle sale, we’re hosting a BBQ this afternoon that Gracie is organizing.
Years ago, I tried to hire an event organizer, but she steamrolled that idea, telling me she was more than capable, and so I let her run with it. Now she does all of the event planning around the ranch, and as usual, the whole town is expected to come. Normally, that wouldn’t faze me—we’ve been hosting this event for years, so at this point it’s second nature—but what’s unsettling me is the small detail of whether or not Avery is going to show up.
It’s not that I have a problem with seeing her again—at least that’s what I keep telling myself—but it’s bound to be awkward, given how we left things after Sunday dinner. Her parting words have played over and over in my mind for five long nights. Did she really think I had a choice? That I could turn my back on my family, abandon the only life I’ve ever known, to follow her to Nashville with only a dream to guide us and no real plan for the life we were chasing? That might have worked for her, but it sure as hell wouldn’t have worked for me. Besides, given everything that happened after she left, I’d have never forgiven myself if I’d gone with her.
Wyatt throws a handful of hay at my chest. The strands of straw stick to my T-shirt before falling to the floor. “You gonna cheer up before the guests arrive or ruin everyone’s evening with that ugly look you’ve had on your face since Sunday?”
Kade snorts, throwing the brush to the ground with a thud and walking over. “Please, so long as Avery’s here, he’ll be staring at her like he might be able to make her evaporate if he tries hard enough.”
I level them both with a stare as I brush off the dust from my chest. “You two got nothin’ better to do than talk shit?”
Wy’s lips stretch into a grin and his chest expands as he rocks on his heels, stabbing his tongue into his cheek. “Nope. Not when it’s this much fun working you up. Besides, if you’re not careful, your face will get stuck like that.”
They’re like children.
Shaking my head, I walk off to the sound of their laughter. They can rip into me all they want; I’ll always let them. It’s the trade I made a long time ago: my pride for their peace.
They’ve never had to worry about where the next meal is coming from, or if they’ll have a roof over their head, because since the day my father handed the ranch over to me, I’ve carried that burden, sacrificing everything because of it. Every dream and every chance at something more.
And just like that, Avery is back on my mind.
When I reach the truck, I grab the last bale and give it a hard, frustrated tug. Just when I think I can forget about her and move on, she pops back up. The bale falls from the bed, landing with a heavy thud in the dirt and kicking up another dust cloud.
I mutter a curse as I bend down to pick it up. With a muffled groan, I chuck the bale back onto the truck bed, ignoring the pain and pushing it aside just like I do with everything else that has the power to hurt me.
Five days.
Five nights.
You’d think I’d be able to forget the anguish I thought I saw shining in her eyes when she threw my actions back at me. But it’s there, like an echo in a canyon. It’s louder when the night stretches on too long and the silence settles in me too deep.
I wish she’d never come back.
I blow out a breath and force my body to relax. There’s nothing I can do to change the past, I know that. But it doesn’t stop the choices I made—or even the ones she made—from haunting me every goddamn night.
“You know you’re allowed to want her here, right?” Wyatt says from behind me. When I don’t respond, he continues, “Hell, you’re even allowed to want her, full stop, Gray. Nobody will be mad or think any less of you if you do.”
I sling the bale onto my shoulder before turning to face him. “You don’t know what I want, Wyatt. Butt the fuck out of my business. Okay?”
He holds up his hands, backing out of my path as I stalk toward the paddock.
I don’t want Avery Blake.
Not anymore.
