I cleared my throat and said, “I’m glad you’re here. I know I’ve been quiet, but… I’ve been trying to…”
The words were right on my lips:I love you.My tongue went numb, and my words came out muffled. “I don’t want to rush us into anything complicated. I need time to think, and I can’t right now.”
He flicked at some imaginary lint on his pants. “I came here so we could talk.”
Talk.The word was like a knife. This was exactly what I’d been afraid of. Either he wanted answers I wasn’t ready to give, or he was tired of waiting.
“You’ve been different,” he said without looking at me. “I don’t know if it’s stress, or the playoffs…” He paused. “Or me.” He leaned closer and finally met my eyes. “I know you said we’d talk after the season, but it’s a lot harder waiting than you might think.”
The weight of everything I couldn’t say was too much, so I kept it simple. “Yeah, I get that.”
He tilted his head to the side. “Do you?”
No. Or yes. Maybe.I wasn’t sure what he meant.
“Pack.”
“I don’t want you to think I…” My throat shut down.
“What?” He leaned forward, shoulders stiff and hands curled into loose fists.
The truth was ready to spill out:I love you, and I want you. I’m scared of losing you.What I actually said was smaller. “I wanted this. Wanted you.”
He jerked back like I’d shoved him. After staring for too long, he spoke so quietly it was hard to hear him. “You weren’t ready to talk. Once I knew that, I shouldn’t have pushed.”
“It’s not that. I only asked for a little time.”
He nodded once and looked past me. In a rough voice, he said, “I know.”
My fingers tingled and then went numb at the tips. Inside, I ached like a bruise that wouldn’t heal.
“Maybe things are moving too fast right now,” I said, trying to be clear. “I asked for more time. That’s all.”
He flinched again. “Oh.”
I reached for him, but he didn’t move.
“Nix?” My voice cracked. “I’m not trying to end this. It’s… all new to me.”
“I understand.” He lowered his head and looked at his hands. His chest rose and fell with the same slow, steady breaths I’d been taking for two weeks.
Clearly, hedidn’tunderstand, so I tried again. “I don’t want to break up, but we need to get this right.”
We were silent for a long time. When he finally lifted his head, his eyes were too bright. “So, we need space.”
What the fuck? He wanted space? He hadn’t asked if I did or not. I tried to look into his eyes, but he avoided the contact. The lump in my throat made it impossible to speak, so I tried telepathy.No, that’s not what I want. Please don’t pull away.
He didn’t say a word. Oh God. If he wanted space, I had to give it to him. I wouldn’t try to make him a relationship prisoner even if I could.
“I guess.” Trying to clarify things, I added, “Until after playoffs, right?” When he said nothing, I added, “If that still works for you.”
After more silence, he nodded, then stood. I got up, but my legs were unsteady.
“Good luck with the Lynx series,” he said.
“Thanks. You too.”
He narrowed his eyes, and I realized I’d said something stupid. The Condors were finished.
