“Are you upset?”
Gabe shook his head. “No, no, not at all. I’ve been meaning to tell the pack.”
“You have?”
“Of course. They know everything about me; they need to know about us next.”
That softened some of the worry that pricked at my heart. Still, though, it wasn’t a complete kicking down of the closet door. Events like these would always need to have us be separate, no one knowing about the true connection Gabe and I shared.
That fucking sucked.
“Well, Dyl shouldn’t act surprised when you say something.”
“Watch him drop to the floor. He loves his dramatics. I think it’s from all the Broadway he loves to watch.”
I chuckled at Gabe’s joke. A feeling of lightness filled me, like I was a couple of seconds of floating up and away into the cloudless blue winter sky. It was all because of Gabe.
And it had lowered my guard, heightened my expectations.
Maybe we didn’t have to be allthatundercover?
I decided to test it. I reached out and put a hand on Gabe’s. A simple moment of touch. Something comforting and warm.
He tensed. Shifted. Moved his hand away.
His eyes flitted up the hill, to the cameras currently pointed at our teammate’s face.
POP!
That bubble we’d been floating in finally found a sharp object.
I swallowed down the hurt. Gabe looked apologetic. He was saying sorry, but I couldn’t hear him past another voice in my head. A louder one.
Nah, I’m not holding your hand or kissing you until I feel good about it.
That had been Ben. He’d used my craving for touch and connection as a way to punish me for mistakes he perceived me to be making. Did I forget to take the trash out? Cold shoulder. Did I leave the laundry in the dryer for too long? He’d give me his cheek if I went in to kiss him. They were small things that all accumulated into a form of psychological abuse that took a deep toll on my psyche.
And the scars of it throbbed with Gabe’s rejection.
My chest grew tight.
Relax. I’ve got this. I’ve got this.
But I didn’t. Reality was that I didn’t have it. I was losing it. This pressure, this constant need of having to be aware and not being able to even graze Gabe’s hand in order to avoid any suspicions… fucking fuck. This sucked.
This was too much.
“Are you okay?” Gabe asked.
Three words that coalesced into a wrecking ball, breaking down the dam that held back my emotions. I could feel myself spiraling. I dropped my head into my hands. “No, Gabe, no. Fuck.”
Then the flood came.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Breaking News
GABE
