By noon, she felt utterly dejected.Her feet ached.She’d asked at every shop she could find, without success.She found a nearby park and sat down on a bench to eat some lunch.
Not that she felt like eating, but she’d made herself a cheese sandwich and filled a bottle with cold tea.There was the rest of the day to keep job-hunting; she needed to keep her energy up.
She took a bite, chewing slowly.A few people had even been quite rude, thinking she couldn’t possibly be serious.Most had taken one look at her and just shook their heads.
A movement at her feet drew her attention.A small, scruffy mongrel sat there, gazing up at her with a hopeful expression in his liquid brown eyes.
“Hungry, boy?”He was skinny and his coat was matted and crusted with dirt.“Of course you are.Here.”She broke off a piece of her sandwich and held it out, careful in case he bit her in his eagerness to get the food.
The little dog sniffed it, then took it from her gently.Then with one gulp, it was gone.“More?”she asked.
His ragged little tail thumped on the ground, and she broke off another piece.Again, he took it from her gently, then gobbled it down.
“You’re quite the little gentleman, aren't you?”she told him as she broke off another piece of sandwich.“I hope you’re having a better day than I am.”
She watched him eat.His coat was filthy, a ragged, indistinct grayish brown whose principal color was dirt.He was a street mutt, belonging to nobody, with no home and living off his wits.The sort of dog that nobody noticed, unless it was to kick it out of their way.
“You know, you’ve made me realize something,” she told the dog.“I should have worn my plainest dress.All the girls working in the shops were dressed neatly but drably.”The dog wagged its tail as if in agreement.“The trouble is, I don’t have any drab dresses.”
She gave the last piece of sandwich to the dog.“But it’s not just that.Even the ones who took me seriously enough to ask a few questions, the minute they heard my accent they shook their heads And those that didn’t, once they learned I had no experience, they just waved me away, too.One man even asked me to add up a string of numbers in my head—and I did, but it wasn’t fast enough for him, so he sent me packing.It’s most disheartening.”
The little dog leaned forward and nudged her foot.
“Sorry little fellow, there’s no more food.Off you go.”She waved the little dog away, but he simply sat down again and eyed her expectantly.
“What’s next, you want to know?”It was ridiculous having a serious conversation with a street dog, but it was oddly comforting.
“The next job on my list is maidservant.”The little dog scratched behind his ear, then shook himself vigorously.
“You may be right.Maids live a hard life; up at all hours, at everyone’s beck and call, doing all kinds of unpleasant jobs.I can do them of course—I can do anything I put my mind to—but it’s not ideal.”And hard work and long hours aside, there was the issue of being prey for the gentlemen of the house.The thought of that gave her the shivers.
The little dog gazed up at her, his head cocked curiously, all attention, even though there was no more food forthcoming.He was a fine little companion for a lonely lunch.
“Is that what you think I should do?Find a position as a companion?Find an elderly single woman or a widow, you think?”
The dog scratched behind his other ear and she chuckled.“I think you have fleas, my friend.But it’s not your fault, I know.I’ll need help in finding a suitable position, but the trouble is, I know almost nobody in London to ask.My first husband was quite sociable, but also very jealous of any attention I received, so when he did go out, he generally left me at home.Yes, not very nice, I agree.”
She bent down and patted the little dog’s head.“My second husband preferred to stay at home, day in day out, keeping me beside him, so I rarely went anywhere.And yes, it almost drove me mad.There’s nothing worse than being shut in, day after day after day.You probably can’t imagine it, having the freedom of the streets as you do.”Not that scrabbling day-to-day, just to survive, was much to celebrate.
She looked down at the little scrap of canine refuse smiling up at her.Could dogs smile?This one could—it was something about his eyes.Liquid brown and bright with intelligence, they practically spoke.
“You didn’t wait for someone to feed you, did you, fellow?Or try to snatch my sandwich, which a lesser dog would do.Youasked, as plain as plain could be.And you’re right—if I want to find a position as a companion, I’ll need help.I must ask for an introduction.”
The ragged little tail wagged.He was a living lesson, this small creature.No doubt he lived his life avoiding kicks and all kinds of abuse, scouring gutters for scraps, and yet despite it all, he retained a hopeful outlook.She bent down and patted him again.“Goodbye little fellow.Thank you for your company.And good luck.”
She rose to her feet, feeling newly energetic.She’d try a few more shops.She wasn’t about to give up after half a day, and from now on, she would refuse to allow any rejections to depress her spirits.
The next step—assuming she didn’t get a job in a shop—was to find someone who might recommend her as a companion.
The only time she’d ever mixed in society was when Edgar or Papa was showing her off to some old man.And though on those few occasions she’d smiled at some of the ladies present, not one of them had smiled back.They despised her, she knew, for her marriages.She didn’t blame them—she rather despised herself now for allowing herself to be used like that, young as she’d been—but it wasn’t going to help her now.
She tried the next shop, a silk merchant and haberdashery.She loved fine fabrics and knew quite a bit about them.But though the manageress initially greeted her with fawning politeness, the minute she realized Tessa was not a customer, but a young woman seeking work, her expression changed.Looking down her nose at Tessa, she said, “We have no need of your sort in this establishment.I will thank you to leave.”
What ‘sort’ she imagined Tessa to be was clear.
Tessa held her head high and walked out, fighting back tears.Why did other women always imagine the worst about her?And not just women.Even her own brother expected her to earn her living on her back.
Become a courtesan?Sell your lush little body at Covent Garden?Because that’s all you’re fit for.
