“Oh yes, I can see that,” she said sarcastically.“That’s why I’ve made two marriages and have not a penny to my name—and now even my own home is lost to me!”Furious, shaking with helpless rage, and feeling her eyes prickling with tears—which she refused to let him see—she swept out the door, brushing past Mrs Thracknell, who was loitering outside, doubtless waiting to report Tessa’s unsanctioned absence to Edgar at the earliest opportunity.
Good luck with that, Tessa thought as she ran up the stairs to her bedchamber.No point shutting the stable door after the horse was out, and Tessa was well and truly out from under Edgar’s thumb—mentally, at least.She had her own future to consider now.
She threw herself onto her bed, shaking.Any feeling of triumph at her rebellion had drained away after that last exchange.That comment about her brainstorm had rattled her.Edgar sounded so sure that a wedding to Sir Henry would happen, quite as if her strongest objections were irrelevant—even mildly amusing.It was more than unsettling.
She’d always known her brother didn’t love her, but new depths to his callous ruthlessness had been revealed to her in the last few weeks.
She had to get away as soon as possible.But how?And to where?
It was all very well to tell Edgar to support himself for a change, but how was she to do the same?She had even less experience of the world and living at Ferndale was no longer an option.
She lay on her bed, staring sightlessly at a water stain on the ceiling, her mind racing.
His words came back to her, over and over.“Sell your lush little body at Covent Garden?”
Never!Though it hadn’t been her choice, the brutal truth was that her body had effectively been sold in marriage—twice—and look where that had got her?She’d ended up worse off than when she’d been a child, running wild in Ferndale.She might have had ragged clothes back then, but at least she’d had freedom.And a home.And her body had been her own.
She’d never go home to Ferndale again.Tears welled up again.She scrubbed them away.She’d wept enough for what she’d lost.Weeping would get her nowhere now.
She thought again about Edgar’s insistence that she must marry again.It stiffened her spine.
Never again would she let him—or any man—control her life.
She considered the options open to her.She would have to get a job.And somewhere to live that wasn’t anywhere near her brother.She fetched a pen and paper and began a list.
Jobs for females.
— Governess
— Lady’s Companion
— Nursemaid
— Saleswoman in a shop
— Maid
— ???
She considered the list.It wasn’t very promising.Governess?She’d had minimal education.NannyJune had taught her to read and write and to do basic addition, multiplication and subtraction, and though she’d had the run of the library at Ferndale, that was the sum of her education.
Tessa had virtually none of the accomplishments that were required of young ladies today; she knew no foreign languages, had never learned embroidery or painted a watercolor or learned to play a musical instrument.
She crossed out ‘Governess’.
Lady’s companion?She could do that, she supposed, but she knew no old ladies to ask.She knew almost nobody in society.Mrs Thracknell?She’d been more of a prison wardress than a companion.Tessa would never do that to another woman.She didn’t cross it out though.
Nursemaid?She loved children and thought she would enjoy caring for them.But again, she had no experience.And her experience of her first husband in particular had taught her that female servants, especially young, good-looking ones, were regarded as fair prey by gentlemen.And when she’d raised the question first with her father and later with Edgar, they’d both assured her that it meant nothing, that the servants expected it, even enjoyed it.
Tessa didn’t believe them.She’d never enjoyed it herself, and she was sure it meant something to the servants concerned.And while it might not surprise them, she was certain they didn’t enjoy it, otherwise why would there be such a high turnover of female staff in her husband’s home?
Becoming a nursemaid would be risky, but she kept it on the list in case she had no other option.
Next on the list was saleswoman in a shop.Surely that was a job she could do.
#
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, she put on her pelisse, hat and gloves and sallied out to Oxford Street and New Bond Street, where all the best shops were.
