Truly.
How many times have I thought of the man standing in front of me with his jaw tense as granite and full lips twisted into a tight scowl over the two weeks? How many times have I recalled the rough feel of his hands on my skin, the way he moved inside of me? The sharp bolt of thrill that chased the length of my spine at the fact that he was truly a stranger, a man I would never see again?
An embarrassing number of times.
I couldn’t stop thinking about this man, whom I now know as Wilder Hawthorne. The Hellcats’ new assistant coach.
Out of all of the people, out of all of the places in the world, we still end up here, together, forced into a situation that makes my head spin.
I can hardly even wrap my mind around it. The odds of the two of us running into each other that night and now again.
But now is not the time to freak out and overanalyze every single tiny detail.
Later though? I’ll have a full-blown menty b.
When I’m alone in the safety of my apartment and not in front of the man who still is making my pulse thrum and my heart tear at the confines of my chest.
“And you think that’s going to work out? The two of us working together after everything that’s happened?” he asks. His voice is exactly how I remember it, exactly the way I’ve fantasized about ever since that night. Deep and gravelly, the octaves raspy, causing something to unfurl in the pit of my stomach.
I wish that my body didn’t have this visceral reaction to him. It frustrates me that even after he was just a total, cruel asshole to me, I still want to strip naked and climb on top of him.
It feels like a betrayal to feminism and to myself.
I lift my shoulder nonchalantly. “There’s no alternative. I worked extremely hard for this opportunity, so I’m not giving up my position with the program, and unfortunately, you’re the appointed liaison. So, whether we like it or not, we’re working together for the foreseeable future. Sorry,Coach.”
His gaze seems to darken, the corner of his lip pulling up slightly as if he’s amused, before his mask acutely drops back in place. It’s the first time he’s shown a hint of anything other than the cold, billowing anger since he stormed in behind me.
“Fine. But no one can know about that night, Maisie. I’m serious. Do you understand? If anyone gets wind of this, it’s over for me,” he finally says after staring at me so long that I start to feel slightly weird from the weight of his gaze.
“Okay. I said I wouldn’t, and I meant it. It never happened.” I lift my chin and open the folder in my hand, my eyes sliding over the notes I jotted down over the weekend in preparation for this meeting,desperateto change the subject. “I took a few notes about the program’s goals and plans for the year, if you want to discuss? I have some ideas for the partnership, but I thought wecould work on something a bit more concrete, maybe choose a date for the first joint event?”
When I glance up from my notes, he’s still staring at me but suddenly averts his gaze and clears his throat. He rounds the large mahogany desk behind him, which is fairly clean save for a few folders and a shiny new nameplate that says Asst. Coach Hawthorne, and sinks down into the office chair.
“Can we discuss it later? I have another meeting, and I wasn’t planning…” He trails off, his jaw working as his teeth slide together.
To have the girl you slept with walk into your office as the student liaison at your brand-new job?
Yeah, well, me either.
“Yes,” I say, but before he can say anything else, I add, “Sure. But would it be okay to schedule it soon? I’d really like to get this moving. It’s important to me that this is successful. There are a lot of working parts when it comes to this, and I don’t like waiting until the last minute.”
He nods.
“Okay then, great. Um, I can just… email you? If that’s okay.”
Another wordless nod.
His dark brown eyes are a liquid pool of chocolate as they bore into me, and I want to say so much more.
Everything that I’ve thought of since that night.
I want to tell him that it was the best night of my entire life, and I’m pretty sure that no man will ever compare. That even though it probably didn’t mean anything to him, especially after today, it still did mean something to me.
That I chose to give him my virginity because it felt right, because something about him called to me. And that despite his asshole demeanor and callousness, I wouldn’t take it back. I don’t regret it.
But I don’t say any of that.
I say nothing at all.
