That’s when I realize that after tonight… this is the memory that I’m going to remember about this place. Maisie covered in whipped cream, her eyes bright with happiness, her smile a testament to the fact thatI’mwhat made her happy.
She’swhat I’ll think of.
Rewriting my past one memory at a time.
CHAPTER 46
MAISIE
Despite the factthat my uterus currently feels like it’s trying to fight its way out of my body, I texted Lennon for an emergency girls’ day because apparently, overthinking doesn’t stop even when you’re dying.
Yes, there is a stupid amount of hormones raging through my body right now, making me more emotional than I normally am.
But it doesn’t change anything.
I’d still be feeling the way I am right now without it. It just… amplifies things. I think?
Hence, the reason I desperately needed my best friend more than I think I ever have before.
Lennon and I are in my bed, facing each other, covered in my favorite fluffy, soft blanket that feels safe. Secure.
Comforting.
A heating pad currently searing through the skin on my belly as I fight the worst case of cramps ever.
Sebastian’s snoring softly between our feet.
It’s exactly what I needed, and I didn’t realize how much I needed it until I feel the hot sting of tears welling in my eyes.
“Oh, Mais. What’s going on? Why are you crying?” Len murmurs as she scoots in closer, throwing her arm over me.
There’s something spiritual about being this close with your best friend when you’re an emotional, hormonal wreck and leaning all your weight on her, knowing that she can carry the weight.
My tears are falling freely now, the salty drops coating my cheeks, and a quiet sob bubbles out of me. I’m not even sad. I’m just… I’m overwhelmed.
“I think… I think IloveWilder.” It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.
Lennon’s lips pull into a soft smile, her eyes softening. “And that’s a bad thing?”
“No,” I blurt, then shake my head. “Yes? God, I don’t even know right now. I’m scared, Lennon.”
“It’s okay to be scared. Love is the scariest thing in the world sometimes.” Her thumb sweeps along my back gently. “But it’s also the most beautiful, amazing thing in the world. And you deserve that feeling, babe.”
I nod.
I do.
I know that I do.
“Tell me why you’re afraid.”
My throat feels tight as I sniffle, looking over at her through the blur of my tears. “Because I don’t know if Wilder will ever feel the same about me, Lennon. He… He told me from the start that this was just hooking up, and I stupidly agreed because I had no clue that I would end up feeling this way.”
She nods, encouraging me to continue.
“And I just… I’m terrified that I’m the one who’s fallen, like the stupid, naive, inexperienced young girl who lives with her head in the clouds. I don’t think Wilder wants to love anyone. Especially not a college girl he’s sneaking around with. Not that it would help with the fact that hecan’tlove me out loud, even if he did.”
Lennon’s brow pinches. “Hey, first of all, don’t reduce yourself to that. You are brilliant, Maisie. The most beautiful person I’ve ever known, inside and out. You’re kind and generous, and your heart is so beautiful.”
