Eventually she found herself back at the carnival section. The games and rides were lit up against the darkening sky, garish and cheerful. The carousel played tinny music and somewhere, a child was crying while their parent tried to soothe them.
She stood at the edge of it all, feeling like an outsider looking in at something she couldn't touch.
Have fun,she told herself desperately.That's what you came here for. So just try to have fun and forget about all of it.
She approached a ring toss booth, the same one where she'd won the alligator for Celeste. The attendant was different this time, a teenage boy who looked bored out of his mind.
Ruby paid, accepting the rings. She lined up her first shot, aiming for the bottle necks. The ring sailed over and missed entirely.
The second and third tries were also misses.
Ruby threw the final ring harder than necessary. It bounced off a bottle and clattered to the ground.
She walked away feeling worse than before. She'd won Celeste stuffed animals at this exact game, and now she couldn't hit a single target.
The funnel cake stand had a short line. Ruby joined it, not because she was hungry but because she needed to look like she had a purpose instead of just wandering aimlessly through a festival with a broken heart.
“One funnel cake,” she said when it was her turn.
“Powdered sugar or cinnamon sugar?” The woman running the stand had kind eyes and flour on her apron.
“Powdered.”
The woman handed it over, still warm. “You okay, honey? You look like you're about to cry.”
Ruby shook her head, not trusting her voice.
“Boy trouble?”
“Girl trouble.”
“Ah.” The woman's expression softened with understanding. “Those are often worse. Take an extra napkin. And remember, if she can't see how special you are, she doesn't deserve you.”
Ruby took the napkin and walked away before she actually did start crying. She found a somewhat quieter corner and took a bite of the funnel cake. It tasted like cardboard. Or maybe it tasted fine and her entire ability to experience joy had been destroyed. It was hard to tell.
She managed three bites before giving up, tossing it in a nearby trash can.
Every food vendor reminded her of sharing meals with Celeste. Every game booth reminded her of winning prizes. Every couple walking hand-in-hand felt like a knife to the chest.
She drifted through the carnival for another hour, trying and failing to recapture even a fraction of the joy she'd felt yesterday.
Finally, she found a bench tucked away from the main crowds and sank onto it. Her feet hurt and so did her eyes from holding back tears.
Celeste's last words kept echoing in her head. Not the cruel ones about Ruby being a coward—though those hurt too—but the other ones.
You're so talented and you're wasting it all because you're too scared to try again.
She hated that even in the middle of breaking her heart, Celeste had seen through to the truth.
She had been scared for years. And yeah, what Celeste had done was wrong—sharing Ruby's work without permission was a violation. But it had also come from a place of caring, of believing in Ruby when Ruby didn't believe in herself.
Part of her wanted to return to the hotel right now and inform Celeste that she understood why she'd done it. That they could figure this out and enjoy the couple of days left together instead of tossing them away because both were too scared to be vulnerable.
But the other part that had promised herself she'd never be someone's secret again, that part knew going back would be a mistake.
Because even if they made up tonight, nothing would change. Celeste would still be too terrified to come out and Ruby would still be unwilling to hide. They'd still end up here, heartbroken and impossible, only maybe a few days later.
At least this way, they could both start healing sooner.
